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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28713333">No Matter What...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieScribbler/pseuds/SophieScribbler'>SophieScribbler</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:20:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>33,520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28713333</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieScribbler/pseuds/SophieScribbler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlotte is desperately trying to find her sister, with whom their ways parted in an unpleasant manner. She wants to talk things out with her before it is too late, but 10 years after the end of the world, the road is not just long, but filled with dangers. When she meets two stranger men, Joel and Tommy, they somehow end up becoming allies...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1: The trace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sorry if the English is sometimes strange, it is my second language! :) Also I am not from the United States so if I write anything incorrect, I apologize in advance! A try to do my research before every chapter as best as I can. Thank you very much for reading, I hope you'll find something you'll like about this story. Please if you feel like, leave a comment. I'm dying to read your opinions! :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I see my sister again. For some reason I feel like I haven't seen her in a while, but I know it is not true. We live together.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I see her hands tighten on the grip of the metal baseball bat that father loves so much. He loves baseball in general and hasn't stopped talking about how he'd like to have a son to play with in the backyard - even though he and mother are probably already too old for another child.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I see how the tears wash clean stripes on my sister's dirty face as she raises the bat high above her head. She seems just like a real professional player in the middle of a match - where the players dress into their pajamas... Though I know she hates baseball. She never told it to dad, as she hasn't wanted to hurt his feelings. She is exactly as nice as mother.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Always trying to protect me as well, just like mother.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When she swings the baseball bat, she lets out a terrified scream, her face also distorts into a painful grin as she bashes the skull of our dad...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I feel his warm blood squirt on my face and I can feel my body shaking as I look right at his brain, through his broken skull...</em>
</p>
<p>And then I finally wake up. My whole body is trembling and my sheets and blanket are all wet because of my sweat... I look at the old alarm clock sitting on the nightstand beside my bed. It is almost past ten o' clock, am. I tiredly sit up, putting my bare feet on the cold ground as I bury my face into my sweaty palms, massaging my eyes and forehead.</p>
<p>It has been 10 years already since the outbreak, and I have been dreaming about that night, every single time I fall asleep. I was only sixteen and my sister was 25. So much time has passed...</p>
<p>I feel the cold climbing up my body through my feet and shivers run along my spine. It is the end of September already. The mornings and evenings are both equally chilly now and though the weather is nice throughout the days, the Sun isn't strong enough anymore to keep the grounds warm.</p>
<p>As I stand up, my old, worn out bed squeaks painfully. I live in Anderson Mill, Texas, in a quarantine zone, near Austin. It was quite comfortable for a while here - nice houses with gardens where people could (and also had to) produce for themselves and the community.</p>
<p>Of course, we had to do chores here as well - just like in every other refugee camp - but those, stuck in the bigger cities, in the old and dirty apartments with many floors had to do the same.</p>
<p>Sadly, and eventually, all things come to an end. Nowadays, the so-called group of Hunters took over Austin, just a few miles from here and people in Anderson Mill feel the constant threat, rising and thickening above their heads just like the rain clouds before a very bad storm...</p>
<p>I am not planning on staying here for much longer though. I need to find my sister. Our last conversation wasn't something I'd like to remember as, you know, well, <em>the last</em>. I have to find her to sort things out. People in this world don't usually live up to an old age and those who still have a family - real, and not chosen - are considered lucky.</p>
<p>Way more than half the world died ten years ago and so many big families became a single person group...</p>
<p>First, I pull on my socks I have already been wearing for way too many days now. But I guess in the apocalypse I am not the only one who wears a pair of socks for more than a day, amirite? Then comes my old pair of worn out jeans, my boots, a sweater and my suede jacket.</p>
<p>Everything is either black or brown colored since I go out into the woods often and my clothes need to hide me - definitely not from clickers though. I go for hunting mainly but I sometimes meet up some smuggler friends of mine to exchange a thing or two...</p>
<p>I usually ask for useful things in exchange the stuff I offer - food, clothes, ammo or weapons - but nowadays I am only asking for information, trails and leads. I need to find my sister. I don't know why I started thinking about how I don't have much time left. Maybe it was when I saw the throat of that sweet fourteen years old girl, Mikah, getting ripped open by a runner...</p>
<p>Or maybe when I saw my good friend, Noah's intestines laying next to his half-eaten body with my very own two eyes... It was hard to recognize him since most of his face was eaten as well. It was his ginger hair that helped us.</p>
<p>I've seen a lot of things like this, but until lately, I hadn't realized that they could have easily been me. One day it just clicked. And I don't want to die without talking to her at least one last time saying everything I should had have said when we last spoke...</p>
<p>I pull my auburn hair, that reaches all the way down the middle of my back, up in a ponytail. I don't need it get stuck in a fence or something if I have to runaway... I know I should cut it, as it is not practical, I've been thinking about cutting it for an eternity now, but I always remember how my mother used to tell me how she loved it - it reminded her to her grandmother who had the same hair color as me - and my sister. Only the two of us inherited it in the whole family...</p>
<p>I know it's a stupid sentimental thing but that's how I am. Losing everything and nearly everyone you love in one single night changes people and makes them do stupid things to comfort themselves.</p>
<p>I get my backpack, my hunting knife, my bow and quiver up, on my way to my bedroom door - these are the best weapons for someone like me. I never really start direct fights as I am small and fairly weak. But if I have to defend myself quickly, I know how to injure someone with a knife at places that'll make them unable to follow me as I flee away.</p>
<p>I also like the bow since I can often recycle the arrows. I even know how to make new ones when I start to run out. The same cannot really be told about regular pistoles and rifles...</p>
<p>When I open my door, I see how all my chamber fellows are already out by now. Of course, I am the only one who usually sleeps in. I am a night owl. Insomnia keeps me up until I am so tired, I can't keep my eyes open anymore. Then in the mornings I wake up to my nightmares. Who needs an alarm clock when you can wake up to the pictures of your dead relatives, right?</p>
<p>I yawn as I open the back door. A cool breeze immediately tickles my face and neck as I step outside. I can smell the scent of fallen, <em>dead </em>leaves on the ground already, indicating the coming of the inevitable autumn.</p>
<p>Back when the world was normal, fall used to be my favorite season of all. I was really into the colors and smell the season came with. I still like it the best, though I don't have favorite seasons or anything now.</p>
<p>I take a deep breath, taking in the sweet scent as I head to the gate of the back fence. Today I am going into the forest again. I will try to shoot some game if I can - it is a great cover for my little snuggle businesses, but my main objective is going to be meeting with Elijah. He is a silent guy, from the next closest quarantine zone, who has lots and lots of connections.</p>
<p>Their community is not as strict as ours about leaving their town. I can only go into the woods because I hunt and they need the meat, but others have to stay well behind the military fence. It is like this, because in the past not one case occurred when someone got bit outside but kept it a secret when returning - causing miniature outbreaks inside the camp.</p>
<p>Deep down I understand these people, but I know I'd probably never kept it a secret. I wouldn't even return to the camp, honestly. There would be no point to it. But I guess people keep hoping until the last minute, and even though they know they are going to die, they are still afraid of death until the very last breath. Until they lost it and turn.</p>
<p>I go through the narrow road, that leads just between the backyards of the houses and the protective fence right until I get to the checkout point. When I get there, I show up my bow in advance, so that Mark, the young military service guy who has to guard the entrance today, sees why I am coming.</p>
<p>"Hey Charlie!" he greets me playfully. My name is Charlotte, but a lot of people call me Charlie here since I am almost like a man. Not in my appearance as I am too small and of course there's the long hair, but because of my behavior. I hunt, I help with repair works, I craft arrows and bows and overall, I am not a girly girl.</p>
<p>"Hi Mark, <em>The Gatemaster!</em>" I greet him back cheerfully, referencing his favorite movie to him. He laughs at my little joke, and already starts to open the gate as he says: "Going hunting again?"</p>
<p>"Well, someone has to." I shrug, making it look like it is just an obligation for me but in reality, it is the only thing I like doing. Leaving people behind, being alone in the woods. Though I am not a fan of killing animals, I feel useful that I provide the community I live inside with edible things.</p>
<p>In the cities people are often undernourished as they don't get to eat meat that often. They don't really have the chance to eat until they are properly full either. We are luckier as we live close to nature, they trust me and I am sort of a good hunt thus we regularly have small amount of meat on the table.</p>
<p>Back when I was a teenager, before the outbreak, I used to be into shooting sport. I even won at some local competitions. I had the golden medals hung up on my bedroom walls, I remember. Nowadays I replaced the guns with bows, but the theory is the same. Point and shoot.</p>
<p>"Be careful, Charlie." Mark says before letting me through the opened gate. "I heard small hordes of infected roam around in the region..."</p>
<p>"I am always careful." I smile at him as I walk by, not looking back. I pull the hood of my sweater upon my head as I step between the woods. I let out a huge sigh. I am nervous, I am always nervous nowadays, when I meet with Elijah. As much as I want to meet and talk with my sister, I am pretty much afraid of the great reunion as well.</p>
<p>I know that I am ready for starting things over, to talk things out and have peace between us again, but I don't know how she'll react. What if she never wants to see me again? I said some rough things to her, but she didn't know how much I suffered with the lifestyle we were living.</p>
<p>My sister had changed a lot since the apocalypse and I understand her. This world is cruel. But she started doing terrible things...</p>
<p>
  <em>Always tried to protect me just like mom...</em>
</p>
<p>She even enjoyed them sometimes and this was too much for me. When we got into our last and, if I remember correctly, only real fight we parted our ways immediately.</p>
<p>I mean. I parted our ways... I got all my things that I could stuff into my backpack and stormed away. I don't know if she tried to ever come after me. We haven't seen each other since then.</p>
<p>I carefully place my feet on the dry leaves and broken branches as I try to walk as silently as possible. Our little meetings with my smuggler contacts usually take place at a small clearing in the middle of the forest. It is not more than 3 miles of walk from both of our quarantine zones so it is equal.</p>
<p>On my way there I try to capture rabbits or squirrels - or both, to take home with me. I don't want the guards have any suspicions and questionings... At our camp no one exactly knows about my small businesses and I'd like it to stay that way until the little time I have left in that place.</p>
<p>I am really hoping that I can leave before winter kicks in. None of the clickers or runners or any of those <em>things</em> gets slowed down by the cold but I can freeze to death so it has no perks at all. Winter is just a shitty season in the apocalypse. No one can change my mind about that.</p>
<p>When I get to our meeting point - with three squirrel dangling from my belt - Elijah is already there, leaning against a tree as he waits for me.</p>
<p>"Hey, buddy!" I greet him with a smile. He is not smiling back - he never does - as he nods back at me. "Charlotte." he never uses my nickname either.</p>
<p>"How are things going these days?" I ask on my way to him. I am already taking my backpack off, so that I can give him what he'd asked for the last time we met. I don't want to waste any time if I don't have to.</p>
<p>"Not so well..." he says and I look up to him from the bottom of my backpack, my face evincing my surprise. He usually just says everything is fine and not really up to any kind of chit chat or conversations. "Those hunters, " he continues. "They are on our heels now. They are threatening us that if we don't give them food and other supplies, they gon' come and roam us down."</p>
<p>Those damn hunters. I don't exactly know everything about them, but I heard enough to know that they are all cruel, merciless bastards who have turned into worse things than clickers. In the Austin quarantine zone, things were not exactly going well - and that's an understatement. Too many people needed to be taken care of but too less food supplies arriving constantly.</p>
<p>A year or two ago some men started getting angry and as the time passed by, they got more and more followers who agreed with them that something had to be done. They soon became kind of a mob and they started taking down the military bases, getting their hands on the soldier's weapons and all. They promised changes, more food, enough for everyone. But of course, all they did was murdering the weaker and the passersby.</p>
<p>We gave some people shelter, who could escape from that place, in Anderson Mill. They told us about all these. But since almost a year now, we haven't heard anything from Austin. The refugees stopped coming - I guess everyone got murdered by now...</p>
<p>It wasn't a good thing to hear. I know I want to leave, but I still care about the people of my little, temporary quarantine camp. It is not like my memories and emotions of three years in this place and with these people will get cut off once I leave. <em>But I need to find my sister.</em></p>
<p>"They can't be that many, can they?" I ask. "I heard rumors that half of Austin is either dead now or left that place."</p>
<p>"Half of Austin, yeah. But there's the other half. There are much more of them than us and with better gears. The food they are asking for is too much as well..." Elijah's voice sounds bitter and I understand him.</p>
<p>"Why don't you come and join us?" I suggest. There are a few hundred people in Anderson mill - though lots of us are either old, women or children.</p>
<p>"I think we still wouldn't stand a chance." he shrugs sadly. "Anyway, you go what I asked for?" he changes the subject and I am happy he does. I have so many things on my shoulders now that I feel I can't take any more without me breaking down.</p>
<p>"As always." I smile as I reach deep into my backpack. My hand has to search for a while, but eventually I feel my fingers touching the cold metal component. "Here." I say as I hand over the little weapon scope, then three packs of shotgun shells and a pack of rifle ammos. I know that I am stealing from my own group when I take these things, but we have still a much greater supply of everything than Elijah's camp. I keep telling myself that I am just helping them...</p>
<p>"Could you find out anything new about her?" I feel my stomach clench. I am nervous.</p>
<p>"I am sorry, " he starts and I feel both relieved and bitter at the same time but then he continues and I jerk my head up. "that it took so long." oh my god... it is happening... "The information had to travel a lot. You are crazy if you are really going to go through with this..." he says, shaking his head slightly.</p>
<p>"Where is she?" I ask impatiently.</p>
<p>"Boston."</p>
<p>I feel dizzy as I say: "But... it is like 2000 miles away... if not more." I take deep breaths. <em>I need to find her.</em></p>
<p>"I heard she is working for the fireflies. She is kind of a weapon dealer for them."</p>
<p>The fireflies. I know this and that - I've heard things. But I don't know how to feel about them. I know they are a group who says to be fighting for the better but from what I've heard about their actions, for me at least, they seem to be just like a group of terrorists. I might be wrong of course. If they are really in Boston then they are far away. And what we hear about them here in Texas might very well be distorted.</p>
<p>"Are you really going to go through with this?" Elijah asks.</p>
<p>"Of course!" I say. "She's my sister..."</p>
<p>"I know, but... Damn 2000 miles in the apocalypse. I don't know Charlie..." this is the first time he ever calls me on my nickname. I look into his brown eyes, and I start to feel how I am going to miss my life here. I have never admitted it to myself before, but I love living in Anderson Mill. I love the people here and the, compared to the apocalypse, fairly peaceful life we can have here. I would be crazy to leave if it wasn't for her...</p>
<p>"Yeah." I sigh. "Gonna be a tough one, eh?" I playfully smirk at him, to hide my sadness. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I made up my mind, no one dare to make it seem like I am doing something I shouldn't be...</p>
<p>"When are you leaving?" he asks, but I think he already knows the answer.</p>
<p>"Tomorrow at the latest." I don't want to waste any time. Winter is on the corner. If I am dexterous and lucky enough, I can be 500 miles away by the time the first snow falls. I may be even waiting out the winter at some place. I don't know.</p>
<p>"Then I guess this is the last time we see each other." It is so painful to see the sadness on Elijah's olive face. I would have never thought of him as someone who'd be sad when I'm leaving. He's always been so quiet and closemouthed. We just silently go through with our businesses every time we meet here. I sometimes crack a few jokes - I can't help it - though he only usually just smiles at them. But I always considered him kind of a friend, a henchman. I guess he was like this with me as well.</p>
<p>"Hey, don't say this!" I smile at him. "Life is long, " <em>none of us believes this.</em> "We'll might meet again one day!" I softly pet his shoulder at first but then I can't help it and pull him into a tight, friendly hug. I can feel him awkwardly return it as I stroke his back.</p>
<p>"It was good to do business with you. You were my favorite dealer." he says when we let go of each other. "Take care of yourself..." he says when we finally part our ways.</p>
<p>"As always! Hey, but you too, okay?" I say as I wave at him, the threat of the Hunters coming to mind as I see him turning away. <em>Life is short... </em>He just nods at me and then disappears behind the trees of the woods.</p>
<p>I decide it, at that very moment, that this will be the only and last goodbye I'm going to say. I don't think I could go through with more... </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2: Austin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I hand over the squirrels and rabbit I managed to shoot in the forest, to Emma. She's the elderly lady who usually cooks for the common dinners. Her face is a bit chubby and her hair is silver colored - lots of grey mixed with the few black ones she still has here and there. I feel extremely bad when she thanks me, knowing that after I leave, the community won't be eating another stew for a while. Probably.</p><p>I know a few people who have a good aim here, but none of them can really hunt, for hunting requires one to be silent. Knowing where and how to place your feet on the dried branches and crunchy leaves requires time to learn.</p><p><em>I feel guilty.</em> I have to constantly remind myself, that I am leaving for my sister. We are family and we should have never forgot that. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did either.</p><p>Back then it felt right as I was way too much buried in my self-pity. But now, years later, with enough time of thinking behind my back, I see that she went through a trauma herself as well plus she had me to worry about on top of all. Of course, she changed. Who wouldn't...?</p><p>I immediately head to the direction of my shared apartment to silently pack the most essential things I think I'll be most certainly needing on my way. I decided that I am leaving tonight. When most people are sleeping there are only a few to avoid. I know, I am mastermind sometimes...</p><p>And I really don't want to say any more goodbyes. The one I had with Elijah worn me out more than I'd expected. If it was this painful with him, I don't even want to think about how it would go down with my closer friends.</p><p>Besides, I am not sure they'd let me just simply leave. FEDRA, the authority behind the military ruling the quarantine zones, made it quite clear that you cannot leave your camp just like that and whenever you feel like it. I don't exactly know the reason behind this, I mean, I guess it is easier to keep things in order if quarantine zones are not operating like motels where people keep checking in and out, but still...</p><p>Nonetheless, me knowing the guys who guard the entrance wouldn't help me out either as they won't just deny their orders for my sake. So, I have to do it quietly. And lucky for me, I know exactly how to be quiet.</p><p>Since I was always a tiny bit smaller than other grown up people I had to face, I quickly learned that sneaking was a better option for me than fist fighting. I know I can walk as silently - even with shattered glass under my feet - as if I weren't even there. <em>I can be a ghost. </em></p><p>As I am making my way between the fixed-up houses of Anderson Mill, back to my apartment, people keep greeting me. I know mostly everyone and it is true backwards as well. I think about how I might have even earned some kind of respect among these people, by hunting and helping whenever I can.</p><p>The residents of this quarantine zone are truly just refugees here. Lots of children and teenagers, a few elder people and left behind members of torn families, all broken inside already... For them, going out to hunt is already a brave thing to do, let alone going by yourself. In their eyes I am some kind of a brave savior...</p><p>They don't really know about my past here, about what kind of life I lived years before joining them. I think if they knew, they wouldn't respect me at all... But worry not! I don't respect myself either... I know I left that life behind, alongside with my sister, but what I went through during those times will forever stay with me...</p><p>I know we did it for survival. Though I also know I was good at being bad even if it left a bitter taste in my mouth. But I am not proud of it.</p><p>When I arrive back to my room, I silently thank God, for my roommates not being back yet. They are probably out, doing their obligatory community tasks - taking care of the gardens and plants, repairing buildings, cleaning, cooking, helping the military guys shifts - all the things people do in smaller, more family- ish quarantine zones. I shut my door on myself, all I need is in here anyway.</p><p>My backpack is big enough to pack a lot of things into it, but I still have to be circumspect - I must only pack what is useful and I have to also think about the weight as well. With a 20 kgs weight dragging me down, I am not sure how well I would be able to fight - or runaway when needed.</p><p>The first things I pack are the few under wears I have. Then 5 pair of socks, both regular and warmer types better suitable for winter. I pack in two spare t-shirts and a tank top wich will come in handy once the winter kicks in and I have to dress in layers. I only have two pairs of jeans - I am wearing one of them right now - so I pack the one lonely sitting in the bottom of my wardrobe in as well. I own another dark green sweatshirt that I also stuff in, on top of everything else.</p><p>The bag is almost half full already. I look around my room. My gaze immediately falls on the small, framed picture on my bedside table, behind the old alarm clock. I sigh as I sit on my bed and take it in my hands.</p><p>I know how I said I'd only pack the necessary things and this is not one, but I am not going to leave it here. In this picture there is my family. We are all happy, well and alive.</p><p>My parents died such a long time ago, that without this photograph I couldn't even remember their faces. I don't cry anymore because of them though. When I think about them my chest feels heavy and my mind always goes a bit numb, but ten years are ten years.</p><p>I take the picture out of its broken frame, fold it in half, and stuck it into a small, inner pocket of my backpack. Then I stand up and step to my wardrobe again, this time opening up the other door that is hiding my gear. If one can call it gear at all... It is quite gappy for one.</p><p>I have a better bow than the one I usually take with myself for hunting. In the forest I rarely meet anything but its natural inhabitants - birds, small mammals and rodents. And my smuggler friends of course. There have only been one or two occasions when I found myself facing infected.</p><p>This bow is way too good for just simply hunting for the small game. This one is a massive, black compound bow, with a levering system that helps me pull the string faster and more efficiently. I only have 15 arrows for this bad boy, and I am not sure my handmade ones would work properly with it. I will have to use it wisely.</p><p>One of my military friends, Peter, the blond haired, middle aged man who likes to go for the obligatory scavenging trips, found it. He only knows how to use the guns and the other soldiers are also more familiar with their rifles so he gave it to me. Since in Anderson Mill, I am pretty much the only person who knows how to deal with a bow properly.</p><p>I will forever be grateful for him.</p><p>I take the weapon and hang it over my body to check if I'll be able to travel with it like this. It feels comfortable enough, though I will have to be even more aware of my surroundings - I am not sure I could be able to take it off and use it fast enough like this when needed.</p><p>I have another hunting knife, besides the one hiding in my right pair of boots at this very moment as well. It is a bit bigger than the one I like using so I choose to place it away, in the bag.</p><p>I like the smaller one because it can be cleverly hidden into tight spaces where I can grab them in an instant, but still surprise my enemies.</p><p>I take one final look around my room. I think I have everything. It would be good to pack some food as well, but I can take care of myself and I don't want to further shorten my friends here. Plus, I planned to give Downtown Austin a visit - I hope I can collect a thing or two in there...</p><p>I sit at the edge of my bed. It is half past four in the afternoon already; I still have plenty of time until most of the people fall asleep. I decide I might take a nap as well since God know when will I have the next chance to have a good sleep again.</p><p>I lay back on my bed, listening to the sounds coming from the other side of my window. Birds chirping, the leaves of the trees softly rattling in the pleasantly cool breeze, people talking and doing their jobs in the distance...</p><p>Everything is so peaceful here. It would be good to stay...</p><p>
  <em>But I need to find my sister. </em>
</p><p>And soon I fall asleep.</p><p>
  <em>I hear the scream of my mother - making me jump out of my bed immediately. I run to the door and when I open it, I see my sister standing in the doorway already. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It is good to see her again. But we live together, aren't we? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We run next to each other in the narrow corridor. It feels like we are in a running competition but as I look at her face, I see that she is terrified. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When we get to the door of our parents' bedroom, we storm in both, at the same time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The first thing we see is the blood. My sister immediately pushes me behind her back so that I can't see properly what is happening. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Always protecting me, just like mom. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As I try to peek behind her back, I feel her pushing me out of the room with her whole body. When she turns to face me, urging me to hurry, I finally see our dad. His mouth is covered in blood as he looks up from the lifeless, torn body of our mother. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He jumps over the bed while letting out a huge, distorted scream as he throws his body after us... </em>
</p><p>I finally open my eyes. For seconds, I just watch the ceiling above me, trying to soothe the trembling of my body in the darkness. I take a deep breath and glance over the bedside table to check the time.</p><p>It is midnight. Perfect.</p><p>I curse the squeaking bed in my head as I stand up to grab my things. I put the backpack on right away, alongside with the quiver but the bow stays in my hand for now.</p><p>I am not going through the door. I don't even want to just risk bumping into any of my chamber fellows accidentally so I choose to leave through the window. It is looking at the backyard anyway, which is perfect for me.</p><p>I tip toe my way to the window frame, glancing out before opening it. Every night, soldiers have to keep patrolling by the fences to avoid any kind of ambush or infected somehow getting inside the quarantine zone.</p><p>They usually don't have much things to do so they sit down to play cards, take a nap or just talk after a while, but still, I have to be careful. I don't know how I'd talk myself out of the situation, with a fully stuffed backpack on my back, my bow in my hand, in the middle of the night...</p><p>I slid the window open and carefully throw my bow out first, jumping after it myself as well. I land on the grass with a soft thud and immediately pull myself into the safe embrace of the shadows, under the bushes that run by the house, all the way down to the little backyard road running by the fences.</p><p>A few reflectors are always set up for the nights which is a useful thing in the middle of the apocalypse but for me they are just obstacles I have to avoid now. I stay well under the trail of the bushes sneaking all the way down to the fence.</p><p>Before I leave the shadows, I peek out, checking both sides of the little road to see if any of the soldiers are coming but I am lucky tonight as it seems they finished patrolling early.</p><p>I quickly analyze the fence towering in front of me, reaching up to 2 or even 3 meters high.</p><p>I can't climb over them, because there is barbed-wire on the top. But I know that only the bearing bars reach well into the ground, the wirework itself is only reaching about 5 to 10 centimeters down. And thanks to my size, I don't have to dig much for a hole big enough for me through which I can squeeze myself out easily.</p><p>I don't waste any time; I immediately start digging the ground with my own two hands. I dig and dig for long sweaty minutes without pausing and after about 5 minutes of constant work, thanks to the soft ground as well, I manage to manifest a hole wide and deep enough for me.</p><p>First, I push through my backpack, then comes my bow with the quiver and for the last it is me myself I have to squeeze through the small opening. The fence scratches the left side of my face pretty badly, but I don't pay too much attention to it - for now anyway. After almost a minute of struggling I am finally out.</p><p>When I put my things back on my body - this time I hang the bow on my shoulders as well - I take a deep breath and look back. I silently say my goodbyes to the place I have been calling home for three years now, and the people I got so attached to... Then - not looking back anymore - I quickly make may way into the woods. <em>I have to find my sister... </em></p><p>I stay at the edge of the trees; it is dark and even though I know the forest like the back of my hand, I am not sure I wouldn't get lost at night. I have to make sure I do everything right for the first time. It is the end of the world and second chances are rare these times.</p><p>I immediately start my way towards Downtown Austin. I know about the Hunters, but they only shoot on sight, right? And I am pretty damn good at staying out of sights. I also need supplies. Stealing from those group of bastards won't make me feel guilty anyway... In fact, I will be happy to screw with them a little...</p><p>I have to make a few miles tonight, and I luckily had the chance to sleep so I am planning to take all the way to Austin in one walk. If I am fast enough, I will be able to reach the city when it is still dark, making my sneaking in a lot easier.</p><p>This way I only have to be paying extra attention to the infected that might be roaming around. I have been to quite a number of big cities with my sister already to know that near them there are always way more infected.</p><p>It is not surprising at all - bigger population, more infected. I don't know who I hate more though... Clickers or scavengers. But when I remember what things we used to do with my sister in those times... The pointer weights towards the last one.</p><p>I can go faster when my eyes finally adapt to the darkness, the lights of the moon and stars now feeling like little lanterns. I am happy because I already passed the forest - now walking by the highway that leads me to the city - which means that I already left half of the road behind me as well.</p><p>The moon is still up, quite high, so I start to hope my plan of reaching Austin before the morning comes might actually work out.</p><p>I pull the neck of my jacket higher and put the hood of the sweater I am wearing on my head. The weather is pretty chilly at nights and the breeze that felt so pleasant during the daytime now cruelly sneaks its way under my clothes, making me shiver a bit.</p><p>I walk an hour more, but I now decided to go on the highway, checking out the cars I pass by. I am hoping to find something useful, but everything seems to be packed clean by now.</p><p>I can already see the tall buildings towering in the distance, being only pitch-black shadows in front of the starry, deep blue horizon. Seeing the size of the city closer than ever, I start to wonder how many innocent people got murdered here by the hands of the Hunters and I even start to doubt whether it is a good idea to try and steal from these "people". But then Elijah's sad eyes drift into my mind and I immediately feel determined again.</p><p>I get closer and closer every minute so I guess it is not the time to back up anyway. When I get closer than half a mile, I don't walk in the open anymore. I crouch and carefully sneak in the shadows of the car wrecks, left to rot out on the roads. I have the suspicions, that the lack of infected on this highway might mean a thing or two...</p><p>When I get closer than a quarter mile, I start to see the blockade at the main street of the city. Just I suspected. <em>Those fuckers... </em></p><p>That's when I hear the first clicking noises. <em>Bigger population, more infected... </em></p><p>I feel shivers starting to run throughout my spine as I immediately freeze in my place. I hate this sound from the bottom of my heart, even more than the crazy screams and howls of runners. I crouch as low as physically possible and as slowly and silent as I can, I pull my body behind the cover of the nearest car wrench.</p><p>I peek out carefully, looking for the source of the unpleasant voice. At first, I can't find it, no matter how hard I force my eyes. But then the reflector flashes towards my direction and I can pull my head back behind the cover of the car just in time. I am not surprised. The highway was unnaturally clean - no infected at all, packed out cars, and there is even the barricade.</p><p>I knew the Hunters are watching the road and I also suspected that they are keeping it clean. Which is on one hand good for me, because I haven't had to deal with no infected until now, but on the other hand now I have to quickly find out how am I going to pass by the damn reflector pointing towards me directly.</p><p>I feel my heartbeat fastening, and my breathing becomes a bit unsteady - I got rusty over the years in Anderson Mill. My stress level easily rises now. If it weren't for my sister though, I wouldn't be afraid of even dying. <em>But I can't die without talking things over with her. </em></p><p>I'll wait it out, I decide. If they shoot the clicker, I only have one problem left to deal with. Right now, not knowing the position of it, makes a lot more difficult for me to just concentrate on avoiding the patrol. After long minutes of nothing happening at all, I start to lose the faith I put in my plan. But then I hear the laughing, coming from the barricade, and hear the first shot.</p><p>I can't see what is happening, I can only hear the scream of the clicker howling up, but the thing is still not dead yet. Louder laugh coming from the barricade. Hearing this I starting to find the clicking noises almost pleasant...</p><p>Another shot can be heard. This time it is followed by a loud thud on the ground, but I can still hear the angry noises leaving the head of the clicker. I lay down on the ground, trying to see something under the car, and I don't have to look for much to find it. My stomach twists as I see that both a leg and an arm is missing from the body of the clicker.</p><p>These sadist assholes are playing with it. I get my confirmations when I hear another round of loud laughing, coming from more people now than before. The clicker, hearing it, lets out a hungry scream and starts to drag its deficient body towards the sounds. Hunters must be simple people as this somehow makes them laugh even more.</p><p>But then the fun's over when I hear a new man arrive, yelling at the others. I can't understand what he's saying yet because of the constant noises the clicker is making. I feel my stomach tighten as I think how it's going to attract more infected if the fun is not ending soon...</p><p>The loud bang finally ends the suffering of the poor thing. <em>Did I really just call a clicker poor thing?</em> I really got softened in Anderson Mill...</p><p>In the sudden silence I can now understand what the newly arrived member is shouting.</p><p>"It is going to attract every infected here you fucking morons!" he yells at the others. "You have to fucking clean these roads not make every single god damned clicker roam here!"</p><p>Even though I hate this unknown man already, I like the way he is thinking right now. I wouldn't want to meet a pack of clickers and other infected out in the open, while from the other side I have to dodge sniper bullets...</p><p>Now that I finally have the chance to think about sneaking around, I check my surroundings carefully. My first option, dragging my body under the car wrecks, is not a way to go as I have way too much things hanged up on me. My backpack is stuffed and my bow is on my shoulder as well. The reflector is lighting all the width of the highway, so I cannot sneak closer on the sides either.</p><p>It seems like I only have the most reckless option left... I am really against it, but something has to be done... But for this I have to act quickly if I want to succeed. I still can hear the men behind the barricade talking. <em>Here goes nothing... </em></p><p>I get the bow in my hands and with one single movement, I get an arrow out of the quiver and attach it to the string. I pull it backwards, keeping my posture straight and steady as I look right into the reflector, pointing at my lonely figure. It is so pleasant to use this weapon, so much more cooperative than the old wooden one I had used in the forests next to Anderson Mill.</p><p>I exhale my breath out. <em>There are no second chances anymore... </em></p><p>I let go of the arrow. Before the Hunters could notice me standing in the middle of the highway, before they could even finish their argument, my arrow hits the reflector, right in the middle and everything goes black.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey! :) Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3: Hunters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I feel completely blind in the sudden darkness after looking into the reflector directly, but I don't waste any precious seconds, hoping that the Hunters' vision hasn't got used to the sudden lack of lights either yet. I dash forward immediately after I let go of my arrow, trying to dodge the cars in front of me with more or less success. I feel the cold air sting my face as I run in the wind. I manage to avoid most of the wrecks, though one time I feel my left knee kick the remaining of a car so hard that tears fill my eyes immediately. I am sure the Hunters could hear that, letting them know of my position.</p><p>I don't stop; I run without looking around too much, aiming a tall building on the left side of the road, at the entrance of the downtown, which's glasses are quite shattered. I hear the constant angry yells coming from behind the barricade, informing the others about "the intruder". That is me.</p><p>When I reach the building, I throw my body inside through a broken window immediately. I only stop for a few seconds to regain a little bit of my breath and to take a quick peek at the streets behind the barricade. I can hear them yelling and giving each other orders, already seeing some of them heading towards my direction.</p><p>"I saw him running this way!" a man shouts, pointing right at me. I know he can't see me in the dark building yet, but it still sends shivers down my spine how directly his finger is pointing at my face. I clench my fist around my bow as I silently sneak my way towards the direction, I hope the back entrance will be. I take deep breaths to calm myself down. To get out of this situation in one peace I need to keep my head cold. My sister taught it to me. It is not the first time I get overpowered anyway. With her, we got into some pretty tough situations, but since I am here you can guess who outcome who.</p><p>She was always thinking so cold headed and logical and throughout the years I managed to learn a thing or two from her.</p><p>It is not just about strength anyway. It is also about how quick one can think, act and most importantly, react. Knowing your own weaknesses and advantages also helps. I reach the back door quickly, without making a single noise. It is just where I hoped it would be. I try to open it as silently as possible, but the hinges are rusty as hell and they squeak a bit louder than I would prefer them to. God damn it...</p><p>I hear someone jump into the building, the pieces of shattered glass crunch under his heavy feet. When the back-door squeaks, I hear him pause for a second only, just to then contentedly mumble to himself: "I got you now." He thinks he is ahead of me, but I am not thinking like a prey. I won't charge out the back door and try to hide or runaway...</p><p>I pull myself behind the opened door, let the shadows completely swallow my being, and motionlessly wait for him to arrive. I hear the steps coming from closer and closer and I even hold my breath back. He slowly walks by the door behind which I am hiding, and steps outside to look for me out there. I close my eyes for just one second, to prepare myself for what I am about to do. I hate myself in advance, as I step behind the man who is about 10 inches higher than me, become his shadow for the shortest second, and put the lower limb of my bow on his throat. I use all my weight to crush his gullet.</p><p>He is fighting for a bit, tiny suffering sounds leaving his mouth as his hands are wildly bucking against the direction of my head, sometimes trying to attack my hands as well. But in the end, his body still becomes lifeless despite his efforts to stay alive, and I take deep breaths while carefully laying his body under the shadows of the building. My stomach twists, and I feel myself dizzy but I try not to pay attention to it.</p><p>My slightly trembling hands are reaching for the gun in his motionless one and when I manage to struggle it out of his last clench, I put it in the back of my pants immediately and continue to search the pockets of the deceased Hunter. Jackpot! I find a grenade inside his vest. I gently drop the small, heavy thing in my backpack and stand up, feeling my head still turning a bit.</p><p>It has been years since I last had to murder... No matter how much peace of a human garbage my opponent is, killing is always something that drains me out mentally. I think about Elijah and how I lessened their opponent with one, and it helps a little immediately. Then I think about my sister. <em>I need to find her</em>. And in order to do that, I have to come back to my old self. At least partially...</p><p>The dizziness stops after a while as I shut my emotions out of my mind as much as I can. It has always been a good defense mechanism for me to ignore my feelings about these kinds of situations. It helps for a while, but I learned through the years that I work just like a bottle of champagne. The tension is growing inside me with each and every shaking event, until one day the cork just pops. Like when I last talked to her...</p><p>I head towards the depth of the downtown, behind the tall, dark building that is so silent and empty now. I remember, when I was a kid, my dad used to work in a large office building just like this. All of Anderson Mill could have been stuffed into the first two floors alone. No wonder the infection could spread so fast. All the people being so close to each other in one, single, large community...</p><p>I hurry as I know it won't be much until the fellows of my victim come after to check up on him. I don't want to be anywhere near when that happens. Against several angry man, even if right now I think I would have the chance to overcome them somehow, I don't want to test my abilities if it is not a must...</p><p>I walk silently until I reach the corner, from where I carefully peak out to the alley between the two buildings. I see them moving on the main street, far from me, but none of them are looking towards my direction. I don't have to overthink the 20 feet way I am going to sneak through towards the next building, as it is almost completely dark back here. The only light sources that reach here are the moon and the stars. Though the skies don't seem black now but rather deep blue. Dawn is coming so I have to be quick.</p><p>My steps are fast, I am almost running, but still silent as the night. When I reach the next building, I immediately jump to catch the fire ladder that is just a tiny bit out of my reach. I pull myself up in one movement, being extra careful not to make any loud noises. The window next to me is open, but I don't jump in right away. There are no second chances in this world anymore... I crouch next to the opened window frame and even hold my breath back trying to hear if the room's empty.</p><p>To my greatest surprise, I hear muffled noises of a... fist fight? I hesitate for seconds but then I furrow my brow and clench my teeth as I jump in. I really got softened in Anderson Mill... I follow the noises through a dark and messy room into the next one, where I see two man struggling against each other in the dim lights.</p><p>The smaller, bulkier one is pinning the tall blonde to the wall with his left arm while trying to aim a revolver on his head. The blonde is holding his wrist and pushing the gun away with all his might, but since the smaller guy has more muscle, the weapon gets closer and closer to his face.</p><p>"You thought you could get out of here in one piece?" asks the small one and that is enough for me. I do my calculations in my head and figure out that the small man must be a Hunter but the blonde has got to be just a trespasser - why else would he want to murder him?</p><p>I step in immediately, raising my bow with an arrow attached to the string already - startling them both, but the small one takes advantage of it right away and fires the gun. That's enough for me to let go of my arrow. It hits the small man on his throat and he falls to the ground, choking on his own blood. That's two already...</p><p>I jump to the blonde one, who's face is distorted into a painful grin, grabbing his left shoulder. "Let me see!" I say as I crouch down next to him, and reach my arm to pull his shirt away from the wound.</p><p>"Who the hell are you?" he grunts suspiciously.</p><p>"Trespasser, like you." I say, pushing his hand away, to see the damage the bullet done. It must not be very serious, since it hit his shoulder, but there are lots of bones and muscles in that area, and I have a feeling the bullet is still stuck in there. I can take it out quickly and we can leave the place. I know the gunshot will attract the hunters here. "Let me see it..."</p><p>Just as I thought. I see the small, round object deep inside the bleeding, crimson wound and I immediately reach for my knife to take it out of there. I need to act quickly; I am certain that we don't have much time left here...</p><p>"I need to get it out." I say when I pull my knife from my boot and raise it to his shoulder. "After that we have to be quick. I don't think we have much time left until they arrive..."</p><p>"Wait!" he shouts. I don't stop as we got to hurry and push the tip of my knife into his flesh but then I feel a hand clench the hair on the back of my head. I should have cut my hair. The hand then jerks my head with such a strength I cannot fight back. I am being dragged by my hair just like a ragdoll, and my head hits the wall with such a force I am certain I got a concussion immediately. I can feel the thick, warm liquid, that must be my blood, flow down my forehead immediately, into my right eye and when I feel the next pull on my hair, I am sure I will die here in a minute. There are no second chances in this world anymore...</p><p>"Stop!" I can hear the blonde man's voice shouting and just before my head could impact the wall the second, and probably final time, I feel myself stop midair. "Stop, she saved me!" and the clench on my hair softens. Eventually I can feel myself fall on the ground, but my head hurts so freaking much that I don't have the strength to jump up immediately. Little dots are dancing in front of my eyes and my nose is filled with the metallic smell of blood that I can also taste in my mouth...</p><p>I even feel nauseous, but I guess it is a side effect of my concussion. I desperately look for my hunter knife with my one eye I can still keep somehow open, but my vision is so distorted and blurry that when finally, I see it laying on the ground next to the blonde man, I am too late. My attacker grabs it instead, quicker than me and before I could even blink, I feel myself being pressed against the wall by my chest. The cold blade of the knife is touching my throat and I can finally see the other man's face who is now crouching in front of me.</p><p>His eyes are light hazel, glowing out of his kind of olive skin, his hair and beard are both dark, but grey hairs started to appear here and there. I can see all the little scars and wounds on his seasoned face as his eyes are pasting mine like x-rays. I hate this man...</p><p>"Who are you?" he asks, stressing each word. His voice is deep and husky. I want nothing but spitting into his face, but I have to find my sister, and I think that would drastically lower my already close to zero chances of survival...</p><p>"None of your goddamn business..." I answer weaker than intended. My head hurts so much. I see that my words are angering him, but the blonde man steps closer.</p><p>"She saved my life and tried to help me." he says urgingly, looking behind him constantly. I guess he also knows we don't have much time left. "If the others get here and find Jonah dead you know what they're gonna do to her..." his eyes seems softer than the one's who is pinning me down.</p><p>"Wait..." I grunt as I feel myself exponentially more stupid with each passing second. I might die in minutes and I can only thank that myself... He said the smaller man's name was Jonah. This means only one thing... "Are you one of them?" I ask, and even though I feel terrible, I need to vomit and my head has never hurt like this much before, I try to struggle myself out of the dark-haired man's hands. "Let go of me..." I press the words from between my gritted teeth and when I see he won't let me leave I add in my desperate anger: "And give me back my knife so I can cut you..."</p><p>"I am going to ask one last time..." he says, and he sounds scarier this time. Even his eyes seem darker. "Who are you, and what are you doing here?" More questions than before, but I decide to answer as I don't want to piss him off more and his arm on my chest is pushing so hard, I start to lose my breath.</p><p>"I am just a trespasser..." I huff. "I just wanted to go through here. Looking for the fireflies..."</p><p>My last sentence somehow seems to make the blonde man excited. "Do you know where are they?" he asks as he steps closer.</p><p>"Yeah, I have a lead..." I say tiredly. I know the Hunters will be here soon. It is going to end anyway.</p><p>"Joel..." he starts, but the dark-haired man interrupts.</p><p>"Don't!" he grunts, his voice sounds extremely annoyed as he glances over me.</p><p>"What, Joel?" I ask, smiling, my only opened eye smirking. "You don't like your name?" I decided that before I die here soon anyway, I want to annoy this man as much as he annoys me.</p><p>"<em>Joel, I need this</em>..." says the blonde man. Anger and even despair can be heard in his voice and at this moment, he reminds me of myself so much... I immediately remember how our ways parted with my sister as well...</p><p>"I can take you to them!" I offer without hesitation, as I see this as my only chance of survival. At least for this night. If they agree to join me, I may be able to avoid certain death coming by the hands of the Hunters. And after that I can even leave them behind when they are sleeping...</p><p>But then multiple footsteps echo from the stairway, outside of the room and I know I am doomed. I can see the hesitation in the eyes of the man, named Joel. When he looks at me, I see the hatred glowing in his orbs but I hate him too, from the bottom of my aching chest, so I am not offended.</p><p>He then let's go of me and hands me back my knife.</p><p>"Can you fight?" He grunts at me, and even though my honest answer would be no at that moment, I nod. The nod freaking hurts and makes my head turn, but I wipe the blood out of my eye with my shaking hand and step to the body of deceased Jonah, to pull my arrow out of his throat. I already lost one and I can't afford to waste any more of them. I wipe the blood off of its head into the pants of so-called Jonah and try to fit it on the string my bow, but damn, my hands are shaking way too much.</p><p>"Fuck this..." I mumble, and put the arrow back into the quiver still dangling on my back, and instead I reach into my backpack searching for the grenade. My hand has to search for a bit in the end I feel the heavy, cold metal under my fingers.</p><p>I silently step to the door that is opening to the corridor and carefully peak out to check how many Hunters are coming this way. At first count I see three, that are heading directly towards us, one them being still close to those three is going the other direction. I pull the pin out of the grenade and throw it right between them.</p><p>"What the... Oh fuck!" I hear the screams and then... boom. I am so weak, the blast knocks me off of my feet and fall to my knees. The blonde guy helps me up quickly and I follow them with my head turning wildly. I see Joel and the blonde man head out of the room and I follow them. I see the distorted bodies of the men my grenade ended and my stomach twists immediately. That makes it six...</p><p>The two men head forward and I do the same. I hear shouts coming from all around us and when we reach the stairs, I see two other Hunters marching upwards. Joel kicks down one of them while the blonde-haired man pushes the other against the wall with his intact shoulder and headbutts him so hard he immediately passes out. I stumble behind them, but my headache is starting to get unbearable and my vision is getting blurrier and blurrier.</p><p>I seriously need to watch each end every step I take down the stairs if I don't want to fall down and injure myself even more. Thank God we have to only walk down one floor. I don't think I could climb down any more sets of stairs without really stumbling and falling...</p><p>When we get out of the building, through a back door, we arrive back to the dark street I was about half an hour before. Where I ended that Hunter's life and took his things... I see the sky is even lighter than it was when I climbed up the fire ladder and I can only think we have about two or three hours left until the Sun rises. I try to follow the two men as fast as I can as they make sure the next corner they are heading towards to is clear, but my right leg kicks my left and I can feel my body stumble – I am unable to do anything against it and when I hit the ground with my body, everything goes black.</p><p>
  <em>I shut the bedroom door immediately, but since it is just a thin, weak piece of wood it immediately cracks where my father's body hits it. I stare at it for a few seconds, but in the end, I feel my sister tugging my left arm, urging me to run away already.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look at her face and I am so glad I can see her again. But why? Aren't we live together?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We both dash into the living room and look at each other terrified when we hear the door give in and the lunatic scream coming from the throat of our dad. My sister jumps to the wall and takes off the dedicated, silver baseball bat that is like a relic for dad.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When he rushes into the room and jumps after me, my sister hits him with all her might. The strength of it kicks him back but he is immediately ready for another attack. My sister strikes again, and again, screams leaving her throat with each hit, tears falling down her face...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can see the brain of my dead father. Again. I can feel his warm blood on my face. Again...</em>
</p><p>And then I finally wake up. I can feel my hair is all wet because of my sweat. My body is shivering and my head hurts like hell. I also feel nauseous. At first my memories are blurry, but then I remember the two men. One named Joel and the other whose name I still don't know. I sit up look around myself.</p><p>I am in a dimly lit, dirty, small room. Under me there is an even dirtier old mattress, the strings almost poking through the thinned fabric already. I am immediately searching for my bow and backpack and I feel extremely relieved when I see that they are laying on the ground, not far from me. There's only one window in the room that is covered with an old rag, to not let the light in – or out?</p><p>I feel better, though as I am turning my head, pain still strikes it with each movement. When I touch my forehead with my hand, I can feel some kind of bandage under it. I am grateful somewhere deep down in my chest, but I still don't trust them. Especially not that Joel one...</p><p>I stumble upon my feet and carefully peek out from behind the rag on the window. I can see we are still in downtown Austin, and it is either still dark or again. I see Hunters patrolling all over the streets as well. Is it always like this or is it because of my visit?</p><p>I turn back from the window and look for my knife to hide it in my boots – just in case... When I find it, I slip it inside my footwear and sigh as I turn towards the door. When I open it up, I see another room. It is also dark end very dimly lit, windows covered as well. I immediately see the two men discussing something on an old, worn out couch but when they hear the door creak open, they stop talking and look up at me.</p><p>The blonde one stands up immediately and starts towards my way.</p><p>"Hey, how's your head?"</p><p>"Seen better days." I shrug and try to hide how poorly I feel myself at that moment as well.</p><p>"I'm sorry," he starts. "It was a misunderstanding..."</p><p>"He almost killed me." I reply immediately as I nod towards Joel who is still sitting on the couch.</p><p>"I was just protecting my brother." he grunts back. When he says the blonde is his brother, I start to see how their faces, despite all the differences, are quite similar. Though their hair and eye colors are not the same, there is something in their face structures that look so alike.</p><p>"I am Tommy." introduces himself finally the blonde man. "And this is my brother, Joel." he says while pointing towards the man sitting on the couch.</p><p>"I know..." I answer and make my way towards the dusty and torn armchair that is standing in front of the couch. When I sit down, I start to massage my temple. "You're strong..." I moan, while nodding towards Joel. He is not smiling as he replies looking straight into my eyes: "I know."</p><p>I feel my anger rise but I take deep breaths to calm myself down. He almost murdered me and now he is the one who cannot take his head out of his ass... I decide that I will ignore him from now on, for the sake of my own sanity and temper, and turn towards Tommy.</p><p>"How long was I out?"</p><p>"One day." he replies and I can see he feels a bit guilty. I see how he holds his right arm awkwardly and I remember he also got shot.</p><p>"How's the shoulder?" I nod towards his wound, and even I myself don't know the reason why I asked that. I still don't trust them as I know almost completely nothing about them apart from the fact that they are Hunters...</p><p>"Gonna heal up soon." he shrugs and even sends me a small smile.</p><p>"You said you want to get to the fireflies, right?" I get to the point immediately. When Tommy nods I continue. "It is going to be one helluva a journey then..." he seems confused at first but when I add that our destination is Boston, I see a shadow run through his face.</p><p>"That's like 2000 miles at least..." he reacts just like I did, back in the forest, when Elijah told it to me.</p><p>"Are you sure about this, Tommy?" Joel asks his brother who seems just as determined as I was, two days ago.</p><p>"We've talked about this." he replies. "If you don't want to come, you know I am not forcing you..." I hope from the bottom of my heart that Joel will agree to stay but he shakes his head and answers.</p><p>"I'm not going to let my brother travel through half the country alone..."</p><p>"Alone?" I ask as I raise my eyebrow.</p><p>"For now, you only seem to be a burden..." he grunts and I jump up, though my headache is starting to get unbearable again. Joel also tenses his body and his eyes seem darker than ever but Tommy jumps between the two of us.</p><p>"I suggest we leave tomorrow." </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! :)) Feel free to write your opinions in the comments! :))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4: Escape</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tommy explains to me that after I fainted, they brought me up to their place. It is on the fourth floor of a many story building, by the main road, but they don't have neighbors at all.</p>
<p>Austin is big and there are a lot of hunters but thank God not enough to fill a city this huge so neighbors are not a common thing here anyway. Neither children, nor women. Hunters are a group of men only.</p>
<p>After most of the them roamed the building and its surroundings where my grenade went off, Tommy and Joel didn't have to avoid much people, they just needed to use the back entrances a lot. Since we killed everyone who could have witnessed the three of us together, none of the Hunters know that they helped me at all. They only know about a dangerous, lonely intruder who murdered 8 of them 'single handedly' and now is probably still hiding somewhere in their territory - the brothers not being suspected at all.</p>
<p>Since Jonah, the guy that was wrestling Tommy, died by my arrow, the Hunters simply just believe he tried to shoot me while defending himself and that he might succeeded given Tommy's blood on the wall.</p>
<p>I finally tell them my name, also the fact that I am looking for the fireflies hoping that I will find my sister with them. The exact location inside Boston, Elijah gave to me written on a piece of paper back in the forest, I keep to myself for now. I need to be useful until I decide I am going to leave them behind and if I told them the address, I don't know what would they do to me.</p>
<p>I also tell that I am coming from a nearby quarantine zone, but I don't mention the fact that it is Anderson Mill - I still don't know whether I really trust them or not.</p>
<p>They really helped me so much already... Guess if they wanted to give me up, they would have done that by now, wouldn't they? Or they could just simply leave my fainted body out in the alleyway... But then Joel stands up and leaves, telling us that he's gonna fetch some things that might be useful.</p>
<p>As we talk with Tommy about how are we going to leave at sunrise, when the patrols change shifts, I can't shake off the feeling that Joel is going to snitch. The hours slowly pass by and I am getting more and more nervous with each passing minute, so to ease my nerves a bit I ask Tommy why he wants to join the fireflies.</p>
<p>"I hear they are fighting for the better." He says, smiling bitterly. "You know, the way things are going between the Hunters is not exactly for me... Clothes and food are not the reasons that makes murdering 'tourists' okay and I think I'd like to just make up for the things I've done, you know..." <em>Oh, I know damn well... </em>he looks towards the door, where Joel left and continues." My brother, I know at first, he might seem like a bastard, but he has his reasons to be the way he is. He done things that are terrible, but he does everything just to keep the both of us alive... And to be honest, don't we all?"</p>
<p>I don't give voice to my thoughts but since I don't know Joel's 'reasons', I am not exactly convinced by Tommy's words. He seems like someone who shoots first and asks second - there's my horribly aching head to prove that - and I know in a world like this, he is the real survivor but there are still good people out there and not everyone wants to murder you in your sleep. Though, right now I feel like I could choke him without hesitation if I think about my aching brain...</p>
<p>I think about how he'd like my sister probably... From what I got to know about the brothers in these few hours, they pretty much remind me of me and my sister... How she did and made me do things I still can't get over after years, just for the sake of survival.</p>
<p>"Why'd that guy wanted to shoot you?" I ask, thinking about that Jonah, who almost killed Tommy before I arrived to do the same to him. Tommy scoffs.</p>
<p>"With the hunters you either kill or get killed... Jonah suspected that I want to leave this place and they hate if someone is 'weak' in their eyes... And feeling wrong after killing innocent is part of the description of weak in their dictionary."</p>
<p>"He wanted to shoot you, because you want to leave?</p>
<p>"Hunters are fucked up people, yeah..."</p>
<p>We talk a bit more about things like the life with Hunters, how close winter is, how I used my connections to track down my sister and the fireflies, but mostly about how we are going to sneak out - it is better to do it silently as there's only the three of us against more than a hundred of Hunters.</p>
<p>I sometimes stand up to peek out from behind the old, dirty rag on the window, checking the passing of time and how close dawn is, but every time I stand up my head starts turning and the lights vibrating in front my eyes due to my headache. Right now, I feel Joel's right and if we don't look the fact that I am the only one who knows where they fireflies might be, I am really just a burden...</p>
<p>It is almost dawn when he finally comes back all by himself and with a fully stuffed backpack. I feel extremely relieved. Tommy seems like a better person then I am so I think I trust him, at least a little. He seems okay - it's Joel and his dark gaze I am afraid of to be honest. But now that he's back and alone, even though he still looks at me like someone who wants to constantly murder me, I start to believe that we might be able to really cooperate - mostly because of his brother, I guess. But I honestly don't care what his reasons are as long as we can work together and be useful to each other until needed.</p>
<p>He says he smuggled up ammos, bandages - for Tommy's shoulder and my head - and some food. He must be one helluva smuggler if he could grab all these without getting noticed and even managed to come back with them.</p>
<p>He steps to me and I can feel my body subconsciously tense up but then he reaches a small, white, plastic bottle towards me. When I see what it is, I feel confused and I have to fight my jaw to stay closed and not fall to the floor. The bottle in his hands are labeled as painkillers.</p>
<p>"Here." He says, without looking at me. Medicine is something quite rare nowadays. You are considered extremely lucky if you find some and having Tommy with his injured shoulder sitting next to me, I don't understand why I am the one who gets it. I look up to Joel and I am sure my face, against all my efforts to hide my emotions, is evincing my confusion when I take the bottle from his callused hand.</p>
<p>"Thanks..." I say, furrowing my brows and I open up the small, white bottle. There are two little pills at the bottom. I take one out and then reach the bottle towards Tommy, but he insists.</p>
<p>"I can work with my shoulder but with your head I don't think I could go through with our plan."</p>
<p>"Thanks..." I mumble again when I take both pills into my mouth and swallow them without water. Even though my head is better than yesterday because I only see 5 fingers on my hand now, I still feel nauseous and my headache is close to unbearable. With each and every turn of my head I feel like my brain will explode and even when I am not moving, lights and voices hurt. But the drugs soon start to kick in and my symptoms slowly fade.</p>
<p>I can't help but feel a little gratitude towards Joel, but then I remember that I am in this condition because of him in the first place.</p>
<p><em>No... I was stupid, I can only thank that to myself</em>... I wasn't cautious enough, I went out of my way to help someone I don't even know, I misunderstood a whole situation... My sister would be calling me an idiot if she was here and I wouldn't correct her. I have to really come back to my old self... <em>I need to find her</em>. I really do. But if I continue to mess up like this, I will end my own journey too soon. How long since I left Anderson Mill? Two days... And I already fucked up once, almost lethally.</p>
<p>I can only blame myself; Joel was just protecting his brother and I am sure my sister would have done the same thing in a similar situation. Maybe I would have done the same as well...</p>
<p>I look at him, standing by the window, peeking out, his face still seems very tense but now that I accepted my own stupidity - and my head isn't going to explode either, that is helping too - I hate him a little bit less. I stand up, wait to see if movements are painful or not, and when I don't feel my head turning, aching or anything I am almost happy.</p>
<p>I step to him, and lean my back against the wall but cross my hands in front of my chest as I look up to him. He is not giving any sings of acknowledging my presence by him, but I take deep a breath and won't let it annoy me, I decided.</p>
<p>"Thanks for the painkillers... they helped." I say and he finally looks at me. He seems like he wants to say something, but whatever is on his mind he swallows it. His eyes then drift onto the bandage on my forehead and he nods towards it while he says: "Sorry 'bout your head." his eyes looks into mine, but only for a fraction of a second, only to gaze back out the window right after.</p>
<p>I feel startled but I don't know whether it is because of the eye contact or the fact he said sorry or both...</p>
<p>"You were just protecting your brother." I shrug. "If I saw someone kneeling with a knife by my sister, I'd probably done the same." I say honestly. He is not answering, his eyes just seem to be searching for something in mine for a short second and then he looks out the window again. And I do the same. When I see the sky is greying, I decide I check my things one last time.</p>
<p>"I go pack my stuff." I say and head for the room in which I woke up a few hours ago. My bag and bow are still waiting for me in there, by the mattress on the floor. I sit down and let out a tired sigh as I reach my hand for my head and start to unfold the bandage. I don't want to have it on my forehead while we are sneaking out - it might block my sight, get loose or something.</p>
<p>I pull my knife out of my boot to check my wound. The right side of my forehead is a mixture of black and purple but the gash is sewn closed. I can see the hands are used to sewing wounds in a fast manner. In the apocalypse people learn to do these kinds of things quite soon, so I am not surprised.</p>
<p>I see another cut on my face - it must be the one the fence in Anderson Mill scarred into my flesh and I sigh again. It is deep and my skin is soft there so I am sure it is going to leave a mark. I am sad for a second but then I just add it to the list. I have countless wounds on my body that will stay with me for the rest of my life anyway. Being attractive is not an important trait anymore in this world.</p>
<p>I let my hair down only to comb through it with my fingers and braid it this time. I don't want to have my hair in a tight ponytail to avoid any more unnecessary headaches. And to be able to wear my hood more comfortable.</p>
<p>I put my quiver and backpack on but I keep my bow in my hand. I wouldn't want to waste any time if something happens by having to get it off of my body. I am trying to be positive but I have the feeling our sneaking out of Austin will not be as smooth as we'd like it. Though the idea of having Joel and Tommy by my side, whether I like to admit it or not, helps me calm down my nerves a bit. Austin is their home court; their territory and they know the Hunters pretty well. I feel prepared with them. It's just the numbers that keep me worried.</p>
<p>When I step out of the room, I can see they are both ready as well. All dressed up, Tommy has a rifle with him and I can see Joel's got weapons too - a revolver and a baseball bat, which is combined with his strength I am sure is deadly as hell.</p>
<p>Just when I step closer, I can hear three shots coming from the streets. Tommy told me this is the sign that the patrol ends. It also serves as kind of an alarm clock for the next shift. They wake up to this and have to get ready in fifteen minutes to change the others. In these fifteen minutes the ones who are waiting for them are usually not paying much attention to their surroundings anymore as they are tired and impatient already. This is our chance for the smoothest escape.</p>
<p>Though I think the fact that they are still looking for me will make it a bit more difficult for us. I am not sure about how they keep their supplies but I am hoping they won't find out Joel stole from it while we're still here either...</p>
<p>"Ready?" He asks.</p>
<p>"Let's get the hell out of here." I nod and we all head towards the main door of the dark and dirty remainings of a once neat apartment. I empty my mind - or at least I am trying to while we are going down the stairs. I start to pay attention to my surroundings in order to do that. It always helps me to strengthen my concentration.</p>
<p>I breath in the cool, but stale, moldy air deep inside my lungs and observe the cracks, bullet-holes and stains on the walls. See how pieces of furniture and useless items lie on the ground everywhere, even blocking some parts of the stairs. I can see how the chaos and the Hunters both shaped the interior design of this building.</p>
<p>When we get to the ground floor, Joel raises up his right hand before going out so we both stop with Tommy and watch him open the door to step outside by himself. He goes ahead to check if the coast is clear for now and I can feel my heartbeat fasten as he is not coming back for seconds.</p>
<p>But then the door opens up again and he peeks back in.</p>
<p>"All clear." He says and we follow him immediately with Tommy. We step out to a street that is parallel to the main one. Shadows are still making it dark, but I can see the bottom of the sky is already a mixture of rose and yellow as the Sun will come out from behind the horizon very soon. Our steps are steady but silent though the brothers' are much more audible than mines.</p>
<p>We stop at each corner to see if there's any surprise past them but luck seems to be on our side as we silently march towards the edge of the city. I can see how we are getting closer and closer to the building through which I sneaked my way in, just by the barricade and I my hope of escaping without trouble is getting stronger when...</p>
<p>"What the...?" I hear a man. My eyes immediately search for him as my hands are acting unconsciously on their own. The left, that is holding onto the grip of my bow rises up while the right is already grabbing onto the end of an arrow. By the time I spin on my heels, to aim at the man standing behind us, my arrow's head is already on the rest and I pull it with one, immediate movement just to let it go right away.</p>
<p>But I am too late. His gun fires as my arrow hits him in the chest, right where his heart is beating and the loud echoes of the shot are dancing between the streets for long seconds. <em>They know where we are...</em></p>
<p>I want to run back to the motionless body of the Hunter to get my arrow back but I feel a strong grip on my arm that is followed by a firm tug. <em>Seven </em>- I think as I turn away from the man I just murdered to see Tommy pulling me behind the cover of a dumpster Joel already crouching next to with the baseball bat in his hands. <em>He would like my sister.</em></p>
<p>We sneak past our temporary cover and we are only a block away from the building with the shattered windows through which I entered two days ago when we hear the steps and voices. <em>Damn it.</em></p>
<p>"The bitch even stole from the supplies..." I hear a man grunt. So, they found out Joel took some things but still don't know about the brothers joining me. I guess that's good. We can still surprise them and they are only counting with me and myself only. I am hoping that even if they overestimate me, they still won't send such forces after me that could take over the three of us. From the title "bitch" I draw the conclusion that they already know I am a woman so if they really do overestimate me, they will still think I am just weak. Either way, we are a lot of steps ahead which is more than good.</p>
<p>"Oh shit!" I can hear they found the dead body. Now that is something that is definitely going to piss them off even more, I am sure. We either use something as a bait or we're screwed. I see the brothers head towards the back door of the building and I follow them inside closely. When we're all in Tommy shuts the door behind us closed, and they pull a table in front of it. Now we only have to worry about one side of the building, but since that side is nothing but shattered windows and glass doors, I am not relieved.</p>
<p>I take deep breaths to keep myself as calm as possible as I say: "Does any of you have a lighter?"</p>
<p>A plan is slowly materializing inside my skull as I look at the confused brothers.</p>
<p>"What do you wanna do?" Joel asks his voice and furrowing brows all showing his annoyed confusion but I answer with a question.</p>
<p>"Their supplies..." I start. "Is it stored in the middle of the road, under the white military tents?" I ask, remembering a big group of canvas, heavily guarded, that I saw through the window back at the brothers' apartment. I could immediately outguess what it was from the number of Hunters patrolling around it.</p>
<p>"Yeah..." Tommy says and I can see how both of them slowly start to understand what I am about to do.</p>
<p>"We need a decoy. If I manage to set it on fire, probably most of them will head towards the supplies to put it out and we can leave without worrying to be seen by too many." As I explain I kneel down and take my backpack off of my back to get a piece of bandage out of its depths. I carefully wrap it around the head of an arrow - without this one, I'll have 12 left - and tie a tight knot at the end when I think it is thick enough. As I work, Joel steps a few steps away to pick a bottle up from the ground with still a very tiny amount of alcohol left inside and Tommy hands his metal lighter towards me. In no time, my little flaming arrow is ready and I stand back up.</p>
<p>"Okay, cover me from here, I'll head upstairs and try to hit it from a higher window..." I say and immediately run towards the stairway on the corridors to head upstairs. I take two steps at a time and hurry as much as I can. The ones outside are already banging on the back door and I am sure that Joel and Tommy will soon get company from the windowed side as well. When I am at the third floor, I immediately jump towards the windows that are looking to the main road, my bow is already high up and my arrow is fitted to the string.</p>
<p>My eyes are examining the distance and angle between me and supplies - it is far but not too far. Though I still have to be careful because I only have one shot at this and I can still easily miss. I take one deep breath that I keep in as I steady my posture. My elbow is high and my back is straight. I let go of the arrow at the same time I exhale finally. I can see my arrow fly and hit the tent so hard, it goes through the fabric. For seconds I can see nothing and I start to think the flame must have extinguished when it hit the thick canvas - but then I see a thin stream of grey smoke leak from between the ripped tent and I almost jump from joy when a bullet skims my right shoulder.</p>
<p>Someone saw me aim and almost hit me form the building across the main street. I fall back and pull myself behind the cover of the walls immediately.</p>
<p>"She's here!" I can hear the shouting<em>. God damn it</em>... But then I hear other yells coming from a little bit farer and I feel relieved.</p>
<p>"The supplies! They are burning!"</p>
<p>I smile for a second but then I head towards the stairs, carefully and still crouching to avoid being shot at again. When I get down, I see how Tommy and Joel had to get rid of the group that was coming after us through the back door but we don't stop to plan our next move. When they see me, they immediately start to run towards the barricade and I follow them without hesitation.</p>
<p>My little decoy is occupying quite a lot of the Hunters I can see, but sadly not all of them. As we jump out of the building through the broken windows, bullets immediately start showering by our heads and we all throw ourselves behind any cover we can see at once. Car wrecks are also left to rot on the streets inside the downtown so we have plenty of chances to hide but the barricade is still about 80 feet away from us.</p>
<p>"Tommy, can you do it?" Joel asks as he peeks out from behind the car. "Three on the left and one on the right, behind that tree." At first, I don't understand what they are talking about but then I see Tommy get the rifle in his hands, pull the bolt handle and without checking where his opponents are first, he positions himself up to aim and points the gun to the left, almost immediately firing it right after.</p>
<p>My jaw falls open as I hear the painful scream of a man and the cursing of the others. It can't be that his shot hit him... He almost shot blindly... But then he repeats his maneuver the second, third and fourth time and without even checking if there's any more of them, or just any of those particular four men are still alive, they head towards the barricade. Joel pulls me by my elbow, I am so surprised my reaction time is slowed down but I slap myself internally to concentrate again.</p>
<p>When we reach the door on the bottom right of the barricade, Joel starts to beat the lock open while we are both covering him with Tommy and when he finally manages to open it up, he lets both of us ahead and shuts the door behind him.</p>
<p>We run without even looking back, run to get out of the range of the weapons, for long minutes before stopping to catch our breath finally.</p>
<p>"Oh my god..." I huff, leaning against the wreck of a car on the highway, slowly letting my body slip to the ground. As I sit there, I pull my knees up and let my elbows rest on them. I look up to the brothers again, seeing them both trying to regain their breaths as well. "<em>That was close</em>..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Helloo! :) Thank you for reading this far! :))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5: Jackson part I.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I watch the flames dance in front of me, the orange and red embracing into tight hugs before parting forever to dissolve into transparent smoke, as the heat strokes my face in waves. I feel myself zooning out too much so I rub my eyes with my hands and even give myself little slaps on the face to be able to stay awake. My eyes drift to the distance, through the opened front door, but because I've been staring at the fire for long minutes now, I can see almost nothing.</p>
<p>We are staying at a cabin we found in the woods for the night and it is my turn to stay awake and watch out for any possible means of danger. Tommy and Joel are asleep in the next room on two old, dusty sofas while I stay close to the open porch, in the entrance hall, where I can immediately see if anyone or anything is nearing us.</p>
<p>It has been two weeks since we got out of Austin and already left Shreveport behind us. I think I would have liked that place before the outbreak though. It looks like a peaceful small town with lots of places revolving around art. Small cafe's and even an aquarium where people could spend their free times. Too bad that all its inhabitants are now infected... Since we left that place behind, we all agreed not to go too deep inside any city or town anymore.</p>
<p>Our next stop will be Jackson, but after Shreveport, I am not really fond of the idea of going through another town not knowing what will great us there. I am quite surprised because three years ago, when I ended up in Anderson Mill, most of the cities were still controlled by FEDRA. And since we still had the military looking over us back in the quarantine zone, I thought it was like this everywhere - except for downtown Austin of course. But I believed it was just a rare exception.</p>
<p>I don't know why but deep down I hope that FEDRA is still in charge at most of the big cities. I know people have to live day by day, with strict rules and obligatory public services but it is still much better than what the Hunters did to their community. Or the ghost town Shreveport has become... At least there's the fragile picture of order and safety that can help people sleep at nights without having to worry about the dangers that could get you in your sleep...</p>
<p>Since most of the cabin's windows are long gone, it is quite cold and shivers run down my spine when the chilly night breeze finds its way inside from time to time. My small campfire is only enough for me to not freeze, but I don't want to make too much light so I keep it low. All kinds of noises can be heard outside and I know very well that these are the sound of nature itself - little feet of small rodents rattling between the dried leaves of trees, wings of birds and bats swishing and the wind running through the walls of the house - but I still feel anxious. Despite the wooden walls, I feel like we are out in the open. I never really liked the nights anyway, especially since that particular one, when I had to wake up to the scream of my mother...</p>
<p>My left hand is clutched onto the grip of my bow whilst the right one is resting on an arrow fitted on the string. In the dark I need to be extra careful since it might be already too late when I notice something coming towards us.</p>
<p>I hear one of the couches creaks in the next room where the brothers are sleeping and I think about how much calmer I am this way, not to talk about the fact that safety is in numbers anyway. In the past weeks I got to know them a little better and - though Joel can be ruthless - I learned to trust them and I think they trust me too. I often catch myself letting my guard down around Tommy and I already learned that Joel's 'murder face' as I like to call it in my head is not directed towards me either. It is just the way he is.</p>
<p>But I don't blame him. It's the apocalypse and people go through lots of shit daily. I just have to remember how my sister used to look at the end of our time spent together...</p>
<p>I also feel that he kind of accepted my presence and the fact that Tommy does really want to travel to Boston and join the fireflies. I can still tell he's not fond of any of this but he stopped despising for now. I am not planning to leave them behind anymore either to be honest. We have more chance together anyway and I know I tell this a lot, but I have to find my sister.</p>
<p>I stand up to stretch my limbs a bit as I feel them going number and number with each passing minute and step outside the porch. My bow and arrow still inside my hands. I take deep breaths from the fresh air and wait for my eyes to get used to the darkness as I pull my jacket tighter on my body. As I exhale, I can even see my breath but I don't mind the cold now as it helps me wake up a little.</p>
<p>I sit at the edge of the porch and look around. This night also seems calm, thank god. Usually, our nights are eventless when we spend it outside (the one spent in Shreveport is an exception), at least they have been so far. In the past weeks there was only one single occasion when Tommy met infected during his time of watch but they were runners only and not even much of them.</p>
<p>As my skin is getting tighter in the cold, I can feel my forehead itching under the stitches. I still haven't taken them out yet, but they have been itchy for days now so I think it is time. I don't know how I'll do it without a mirror though. I reach my fingers right up to my forehead and touch the little threads above my right eyebrow. I take my knife out of my boot - I decide I am going to attempt to get them out blindly. I guess I am not that clumsy to cut my own eyes out, or am I?</p>
<p>I hear a creak coming from behind and my body is acting on its own as I drop the knife immediately and reach for my arrow and bow. By the time I turn around myself I am ready to shoot, but it is just Joel standing in the doorway. I let out a relieved sigh as I am lowering my weapons and say: "You scared me..."</p>
<p>"I couldn't sleep." he answers, crossing his arms around his chest and leaning against the doorframe, looking at me. His figure seems dark as the fire behind him embraces his body into a hug, giving him a twinkling, orange silhouette. "Go get some rest, I'll take it from here." At first, I am not saying anything. Sleeping would be good, but since we met back in Austin, I haven't had much chances to talk with him and get to know him a little better. So, I decide I'll stay for a little while, my watch should still last on for hours anyway.</p>
<p>"I'm not tired." I lie, as I stand up. "But now that you're here, could you please help me?" I ask and reach my knife towards him also gesturing to my forehead with my eyes. He looks back at me, hesitating for a second, bet then takes the weapon from my hand and steps closer; so close I can suddenly feel my cheeks turn slightly red for some reason, but since the only light source out here is the moon, I am hoping he can't see it. To be honest, I would have never expected this reaction from me and I don't really know the reason behind it. Maybe it is simply because he's too close and I am not used to anyone being in my private space since our ways parted with my sister. I think he'd like her. He's reminding me of her so much.</p>
<p>He places his left index finger under my chin, and gently, yet crisply pushes my head up higher so that he can have a better look at my forehead. He then raises the knife up to my eyebrow and grabs the first peace of thread with his free hand. I can feel him pulling it slightly, but since the wound is almost healed, it is not hurting at all. It is just unpleasant. When he's done with the first piece, he throws the thread away. He works silently and I try to look away from his face but for some unknown reason, my eyes always find their ways back to observe his wrinkles on his forehead, the scars on his nose, his cheekbones, the shape of his lips and line of facial hair...</p>
<p>His hands suddenly stop working and his eyes look into mine. I feel startled for a second because I think he noticed me staring but then he speaks.</p>
<p>"I haven't thanked that you saved my brother..." he says in a low voice, deeper than usual, and I can't hide my surprise. My eyebrows are raising unconsciously as I look back at him. I wouldn't have thought he's still thinking about what happened back in Austin. I don't know how to react - of course I wouldn't have saved Tommy if I am not dumb enough to think he's not among the Hunters but I guess it is not the right answer.</p>
<p>"Well, thank you for not bashing my skull in return." I answer jokingly but he's not laughing nor smiling. "I mean, it was nothing. Actually, I am glad we ended up as a team. Boston is far..."<em> And I need to find my sister.</em></p>
<p>"Yeah, it is." I can hear the tension in his voice. Seems like it is still a sensitive topic for him. "We're done." he says and hands me back my knife. I immediately reach my forehead with my hand to itch it finally and it feels so damn good. My skin is extremely relieved now.</p>
<p>"Oh, god... Thank you so much!" I say. "It has been driving me crazy in the past few days." Joel walks to the fence of the porch and leans against it, using his arms to support his body and gazes into the distance. I hesitate for a second but then decide to join him in the end. For a while we just stare into the darkness. All that can be heard is the sound of nature and the ticking of Joel's watch on his left wrist.</p>
<p>I haven't seen a working watch in ages. People break them eventually and they just simply learn to know the time from the position of the sun and moon and the size and direction of the shadows. But to be honest, knowing the exact time is not even that important after the end of the world.</p>
<p>For a second I want to mention it, but the fact that it is still intact, makes me feel he cares for it and that it is another sensitive topic for him so I just leave it be for now. Maybe I'll ask another time.</p>
<p>"At least you are not with the hunters anymore. In my opinion, that fact alone is something you should enjoy." I say after a while and I honestly mean it, but judging from the deepness of the breath he takes before answering, I feel like I managed to say something angering again. I may have a talent I haven't known about before and I am certain it must be called 'How to piss Joel off with each sentence.'</p>
<p>"I'm not doing anything because I enjoy it..." he replies. "I do it to stay alive." he stresses the last two words.</p>
<p>"You'd like my sister. I remember how she used to say things like this." I say and I think about how hard I tried to talk her out of the darkness she was drifting into. But instead of going through, I left her to save myself. <em>I am a horrible person... </em>Joel's reminding me of this is angering me as well and I don't know why, but I feel like I have to defend myself.</p>
<p>"Maybe, you should try to place yourself in Tommy's shoes sometimes. Staying alive does not mean living for everyone..." I immediately hate myself for saying this. It is one of the last things I said to my sister and the bitter taste is left in my mouth again... I don't want to keep hurting people around me. I feel like our conversation is not going towards a pleasant direction so I think about leaving him alone but then he speaks again.</p>
<p>"I know that. And I also know that Tommy's capable, but he often... hesitates." I look at him, startled. I think about my sister immediately and how <em>I</em> have never put myself into her perspective before. She became the person she was because I was too... weak? I don't know if this is the right word to use because I don't think I am someone who's helpless and constantly needs to be saved. I do stand my ground when I have to. But if I think about everything that happened back in Austin, I see I might be naive... But this also is a great example that there is still faith out there because I can tell that none of the brothers are bad persons. We ended up helping each other - became a group so Joel is not completely right. <em>My sister wasn't completely right...</em></p>
<p>I feel hurt.</p>
<p>"You know, there are other ways you can lose someone, other than death..." I say bitterly and push myself away from the fence. He looks at me, I can see he has to restrain himself from saying anything in return. I can see the signs of anger evincing on him as well, but I don't care. "I'll go, get some sleep." I lean my bow and quiver against the wall in case Joel needs to take down anything silently and leave him alone.</p>
<p><em>Maybe we are not meant to be friends. </em>I carefully sit down on the now vacant couch - don't want to wake up Tommy, he seems fast asleep. I don't take off my boots nor any other piece of clothing apart from my suede jacket. Never do when I don't feel safe somewhere and there's the chance we might have to run or fight anytime. As I lie down, I can't stop thinking about our conversation with Joel. I feel pissed, but I don't really know the reason behind it. He wasn't talking about me he was talking about him and Tommy but I feel like our situation is so similar I might have taken his words a little too personal.</p>
<p>I can't sleep for a long time but when the dream finally arrives, I am reliving that same night again, but this time I have a fight with my sister and she's blaming me for everything.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>When I wake up in the morning, Tommy is already gone. I find myself alone in the room and if I could, I'd stay in there for the rest of the day, alone. I feel a little grumpy. But I am a grown-up woman and I can't act like a damn teenager in the middle of the apocalypse, so I sigh and sit up finally.</p>
<p>My hair is wet because of my nightmarish dreams again, so I pull my hair tie off of my ponytail and let my auburn locks down. I quickly brush trough them with my fingers as they are a little too tangled up even for my likings - I don't exactly have high standards for my look - and when I'm done, I stand up.</p>
<p>A shiver runs through my body, it is so cold in the room and I am also slightly sweaty. I'm not happy since it is only the middle of October and the weather is already chilly - way too chilly. I feel like this winter is going to be extremely harsh on us and this is exactly what I have been afraid of. I don't know why I've been constantly feeling like I don't have much time left, but things that are impedimental in my book annoy me more than they really should.</p>
<p>I get a little calmer when I have a proper look outside the window and I can see the sun is still not high up so it must be early. Probably not long after dawn. The grass is still wet and a light fog is visible between the trees of the woods, long shadows stretching everywhere under the grey morning sky.</p>
<p>As I step away from the window, I take a deep breath to calm myself down a little. Now that I slept and think back, Joel didn't say anything wrong - to me at least. I was just way too sensitive. I guess that it's partly because he sometimes reminds me of her so much. Seeing the brothers' relationship as an outsider is making me think differently about my case too and I don't like to realize how wrong I was and how I should have stayed and help her for once. It has always been the other way around...</p>
<p>I even feel a little guilt now, somewhere deep in the back of my mind. My reaction wasn't fair towards Joel. I decide I am not going to be acting any different with him. In fact, I feel like I should apologize - but of course I won't. I should explain myself and talk about my personal past but that is definitely not going to happen. I will just try to be more normal and less bipolar from now on.</p>
<p>When I grab my jacket and step outside the room, I can hear sounds of a conversation coming from the porch and I am surprised as it is in a more casual tone than ever. The brothers usually talk seriously with each other. Planning the route, talking out the night watch schedule and things like this, but today it feels different. I can even hear Tommy's laughing slightly. Though we occasionally crack a joke or two between us, I haven't heard him laugh with Joel yet since the two weeks I've been traveling with them.</p>
<p>I am surprised as I thought, that because I made Joel pissed last night, he'd be more silent and serious than ever. But I am not going to lie, I feel relieved and not even a little. <em>Operation Apologize</em> stranded-down. For now, at least.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I remember! We went there every single year during autumn breaks..." Says Tommy, a nostalgic smile on his face, when I step out to the porch. I can even see Joel's smiling slightly. He should do it more, looks good on him.</p>
<p>"Morning." I greet them when I step outside. The weather is chilly so I immediately pull may jacket tighter on my body to protect myself from the freshening, but cold morning breeze. My breath is visible just like it was at night, so I am guessing the temperature must be close to 32 degrees. In the chilly air I can smell something amazing and my stomach answers with a loud growl immediately.</p>
<p>"Hey! You woke up early." Tommy says.</p>
<p>"No, we changed shifts sooner with Joel yesterday." I shake my head. I look at him expecting the 'the murder face' in return but he is not even looking at me. Even though I think he watches me from the corner of his eyes. I am about to believe he choose to ignore my presence when he turns towards me and says: "You're just in time for breakfast." <em>Wait, where's the murder face</em>?</p>
<p>On a big plate - that I am sure they borrowed from the kitchen of this little house - there's a full rabbit, roasted already. Meat is not rare with these guys. All of us knows how to hunt and since canned food is rarer, we eat meat almost every day. But I am not complaining. After all the walking, climbing and sometimes fighting the infected, my body welcomes the protein thank you very much.</p>
<p>"Oh, god I'm starving!" I say as I sit at the edge of the porch by the two men.</p>
<p>We eat our portions as fast as we can. We all feel that we have to hurry - even though deep down we know we can't win the race against winter - we are not even trying to be honest. We'd just like to get as far as possible. When we're done, we get rid of the most visible signs that we occupied the place for the night. We are not really expecting anyone to specifically follow us, but Joel says it is better to make sure we are not even giving the chance to anyone.</p>
<p>When we set off, the sun is already quite high up, but I can see it is still not noon. We are only a few miles away from Jackson, so we hope to get there in the afternoon already. We might have to spend the night there - even though I am not a exactly fan of that idea. But we need the supplies we might find there. If I were alone - After Austin especially - I think I'd avoid these places from a respectable distance. There's food I can hunt for myself and I know how to find places outside where I can spend a night relatively safe.</p>
<p>Since there's two against one, I don't really have a word in this case. But it is fair so I am not complaining. I am just afraid a little. The brothers are on another level, but against a herd of infected I think even they wouldn't stand much chances. But I don't want to be pessimist and really hope that since Jackson is so hidden and separated, the case won't be that bad there.</p>
<p>We walk on a road for a while, by the old, damaged, safety fence but after a few hours we decide to get off, as it is too open, and continue between the trees of the woods. We don't have to go too deep and I can already hear the sound of flowing water. A river is close and that is good since on our old map of the United States of America - at least 10 years old and sort of torn - we saw a river going by Jackson. All we have to do is following it.</p>
<p>"We're getting close." says Tommy just when I see the wooden board in the distance as well. 'Jackson County - Snake River Trail' is written on it with welcoming letters. Nature is beautiful here so I guess it was some kind of a tourists' place before the outbreak. Huge trees, big climbable rocks and the river itself make it look like we are walking through a postcard. I love the smell of everything combined together. Makes me calmer with each breath I take.</p>
<p>As we are walking forward, I can see more and more buildings and a huge, metal bridge in the distance, that must be crossing all over the river. When we finally get closer, I see old wrecks of cars here and there. And to my dearest surprise signs of military equipment everywhere. When we reach the huge metal gate with barbed wire on top, I finally see the poster telling us this is an area secured by FEDRA but my happiness isn't lasting long. I can feel something's off with this place. No sign of life at all. Just silence. Not even animals can be heard - and that always means one thing. But let's just not be pessimist...</p>
<p>Joel goes up to the gate and pushes it, but of course it won't open.</p>
<p>"Closed." I hear him mumbling as I step back to look around, trying to find any possible ways to get inside somehow. I can only see a watchtower at the right side of the gate that is not covered with wire.</p>
<p>"Someone boost me up." I say as I step under it. "I'll check the other side. Maybe I can open it from the inside."</p>
<p>"We don't know what's behind the walls." Tommy insists. "We should find a way together, or at least climb somewhere up to have a better look."</p>
<p>"I'll make it quick." I reply and step one step closer to the metal gate, under the watch tower to show I am not kidding.</p>
<p>I can see them share a gaze - and secretly I agree with them. I know it can go very wrong. But right now, I can see no other way in so... Tommy comes and leans his back against the wall to support himself, slightly bending his knees and enlaces both of his hands in front of him. I grab his shoulder and when I feel him pushing me upwards, I jump to get the most out of the boost. It seems too high for a second but then the fingers on my right hand clutch onto the rusty edge of the gate and - after a bit of struggling - I can finally pull myself up, right into the watchtower.</p>
<p>Before jumping down, I look around thoroughly. I can see lots of building all over the place and even houses in the distance. But there's no sign of infected anywhere. Even though I know, not seeing them is not equal to not being infected around at all. Unstimulated, they like to go and hide inside buildings where their spores can multiply in the dark and humid environment. Since cordyceps brain infection is a mutation of a type of fungi, it is not surprising at all.</p>
<p>Close to the gate, lots of buildings and garages have their doors left open unfortunately. Seeing the dark voids yawning all towards my direction make my stomach twist immediately as they are all without exception great hiding spots for our infected friends. I really have to be quick or silent. If I am fast enough, I can open up the gate in time for the brothers to be able to help me deal with anything that is waiting for us in here but if I do it perfectly silent, we might won't even have to worry about them.</p>
<p>I decide to jump down finally, my bow on my back, along with my quiver so that at least one of my hand is free, but I get my hunting knife into my right, just in case. I take a deep breath and step on the edge of the watchtower. When I jump, I feel my stomach rise into my throat for a second and then I land with a loud thud.</p>
<p>That's when I hear the first clicking noises... <em>Fuck.</em></p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello everyone who made it this far! :)) Thank you so much for reading! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6: Jackson part II.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A I quickly try to analyze my situation but the beats of my racing heart against my tightening chest somehow feel louder than my thoughts and my brain is heavy under the fear that is weighting all over my shivering body.</p><p>"<em>Come on, Charlie... You wanted to show how capable you are..." </em>I think, but my idea of climbing alone through a huge metal fence behind which the complete unknown is awaiting me, feels the dumbest thing ever now. Still, I don't want to hear any of the brothers saying how they told me so - so I am finally starting to take huge breaths to calm myself down, to cool my thoughts and to slow down the rate of my heartbeat a bit. I look around myself as I crouch as low and slow as physically possible but I only use my eyes to do that.</p><p>Behind me there's the gate, the sliding lock is just a foot away from me, almost within the reach of my trembling arm, but I also see several buildings with opened doors and missing windows, all looking straight at my direction. Sleepy noises of constant clicking can be heard all around me, making every single hair on my body reach towards the grey sky as my eyes dig deep into the shadow of the buildings. One single, wrong movement and god knows how many infected will throw themselves at me.</p><p>I consider sneaking closer and trying to get them while they're "sleeping" but I quickly shoo this idea away - opening the door and getting the brothers' help seems the most reasonable thing to do here since I only have 12 arrows plus a knife with me and nothing with which I could ignite anything; no weapons that could be fired quickly...</p><p>I don't know if I have ever felt this vulnerable in my life before as I am stepping one step behind me, as slow as possible, reaching my arms out to grab the lock. When my sweating hand touches the cold, rough handle of the lock I am silently thanking God but then I pull it... Or at least I'm trying to.</p><p>It feels stuck. Very, very stuck. I have to put a little more force into the action and after two or three tries the piece of metal finally gives itself in and slides back half an inch under my fingers - but I can hear the loudest creak of my life immediately and I can't stop it soon enough. The unpleasant noise is echoing through the silent landscape all around me, feeling painfully loud in the dead silence.</p><p>
  <em>Fucking god damn it!</em>
</p><p>I immediately hear the hungry screams howling up all around me, coming from almost every direction and I am not motionless anymore. My stomach is clenching in fear but in my mind trying to count how many opponents I will be facing just in a few seconds, based on the amount of sounds I can hear, but I give up quite soon. The proper answer is just simply 'too many' anyway. I quickly slid my knife into my right boot to free both of my hands and the left is already on the grip of my bow. I pull it off of my body in one single movement, reaching for an arrow with my right at the same time.</p><p>I kick the lock on the door one more time and I can see it moving back slightly but rust has been eating it for such a long time probably, it barely slides half an inch again only and the gate is still left closed. Leaving me facing god knows how many infected completely on my own...</p><p>I see the first clicker running towards me from my right side, blindly sawing the air with its half rotten arms and I draw my first arrow right away. By the time it hits through its deformed head, two new clickers are appearing in my peripherical vision again, this time coming from my left.</p><p>Another kick on the lock - another half inch back - before I shot my second arrow, right through where the poor bastard's forehead once used to be. As the lifeless body of the infected hits the ground my hand is drawing the string again but I miss the second clicker only a few inches and I can hear one from behind me already.</p><p><em>Damn...</em> I either hit the head or it's gonna be over soon.</p><p>Since the one clicker I missed is still around ten feet away I turn back to check the other and it is so close already that I only have time to raise my bow up and push it against its neck, trying to keep its face as far from mine as possible. I push it with all the strength I got, I can even see the back of my weapon damaging the soft tissue covering its throat, but since it is nothing but a mindless infected anymore, probably feeling no pain at all, it won't stop.</p><p>I curse myself for putting my knife in my boots before as I am trying to reach it with my right hand, and my heart skips a beat when I feel my legs slip and I fell against the muddy ground. The clicker falls with me, landing right on top of my chest, but I somehow manage to get the small weapon in my hand while falling and now I push it deep into its skull.</p><p>By the time I can kick its lifeless, heavy body off of mine and reach for an arrow again, the other clicker, the one I had missed before is so close I have to shoot it while still on the ground - and I miss again, only managing to hit its chest. Though the impact is kicking the infected back, giving me enough time to finally be able to aim at the head properly and it collapses for good when my arrow penetrates its forehead, twitching a few times before stopping forever.</p><p>I hear another scream coming from somewhere and I jump up immediately, my body is aching as I am throwing my shoulder against the lock, hitting it again and again with the bones in my body, until it finally opens and I hurtle through the now opened gates with all my might, falling out of the reach of a clicker just in time. I kick it right in the chest with all the force I have and I am just about to reach for my bow that has fallen out of my hand when I hear the shot. And then a thud.</p><p>The infected collapses in front of me, its body is lifeless once and for all as I look behind me, panting wildly, to see both of the brothers standing there, their weapons raised high. I feel relieved. The revolver is fired one last time in Joel's hand, while Tommy reaches his arm to help me up and the last infected is gone finally.</p><p>I take a few deep breaths of the cool air that is filled with the smell of the forest and river all around us before accepting the hand and finally standing up.</p><p>"Damn Charlie..." Tommy says as he counts the dead bodies lying all around the gate. He's been calling me Charlie for a while now as he thinks Charlotte doesn't really suit me. He says it is too feminine for someone like me. "That's four clickers..." I can't tell if he is impressed or just thinks I am crazy. His facial expressions are telling both.</p><p>"Yeah, it was... <em>close</em>." I admit, massaging my shoulder with which I knocked the lock open. It is hurting pretty much and I can feel it is bruised, but I am lucky for not disjointing it in my panic. It will be harder to raise my arm up for a few days but it won't heal for weeks and that's good.</p><p>"Close..." I hear Joel's mumbling as he walks past me. I can't see his face, only the back of his head, but I'm guessing by the tone of his voice that the good ol' '<em>murder face</em>' is back. "I would rather use the word 'reckless' here."</p><p>"<em>What</em>?" I raise my eyebrows high. I fasten my steps so that I can catch up with him and when I am by his side I say: "I got the job done. We are all alive. The gate is open and there's no infected around."</p><p>"No, you almost got yourself killed." He stops and looks down at me from his own height. His eyes seem darker than usual and I can tell that he's pissed. I don't even have to ask what his problem is as he continues before I could say anything: "Listen. We are a team for now and we should operate as one. I don't care if it's your life you are playing with but I'm telling you, I will not hesitate if it comes to saving my brother and my life over yours if you act stupid on your own again."</p><p>I am so surprised I can't even answer. I just stand there, watching the back of this man getting farer and farer until I feel Tommy's presence by my side. I look up at him, but his face is as soft as usually - he is not mad at me. I can feel his warm palm on my back.</p><p>"He says things when he's angry but never really means them."</p><p>"And why on Earth is he angry with me?" I honestly don't understand. "I didn't fuck up anything, did I?"</p><p>"No, you did not, but you have to admit you were close to it." says Tommy. I don't answer anything so he adds: "Joel was just afraid."</p><p>"Afraid of what?" I ask but I don't get a respond. Tommy stops and looks at me, searching for something on my face and I can tell he is having an inner battle with himself, but in the end he simply goes forward and says: "Come. We should stick together."</p><p>"Fine." I sigh after a few seconds and leave the topic be for now. I am not forcing anything. I feel like a miserable child as I follow the brothers silently. Yes, we are a team, but that does not mean I can't act on my own. I don't understand the heated reaction and if we continue like this, it will be very hard for me and Joel to cooperate normally on a long term...</p><p>As we silently walk inside the area behind the gate, I can finally have a proper look at this part of Jackson. It is strange because it's looking rather like a factory than a town here. The cozy postcard look is nowhere to be seen. Old and grey buildings are standing on the muddy ground around us everywhere, their dark and creepy openings are yawning towards us gloomily, hiding the unknown between their moldy walls.</p><p>We decide not to split up at all, as we don't really know what might still be waiting for us, hiding in the wet darkness of these concrete fortresses. It is scary how loudly our footsteps echo as we march our ways deeper and deeper inside each building. The smell of dirt and mold immediately digs its way deep into our nostrils and lungs, itching our throats and eyes.</p><p>We are lucky for not having to deal with much infected at all. We found a few of them, hiding in darker corners and rooms of a few buildings, but since we are as silent as possible, we managed to end them silently as well, while they were still in their hibernating state.</p><p>There are also a few rooms where the air is filled with spores and since I don't own gas mask, only the brothers get inside these premises to check if there's anything useful hiding in their depths. There are even kitchen like places here and to be honest, the stuffs we have already found really make all the fuss worth it.</p><p>We are not even finished yet and our backpacks are already filled with tons of canned food and bandages and even some ammos. I am a little bit sad deep down since there's no arrow for my bow and when I missed that one clicker, I managed to break one. Now I only have 11 left, but at least our handguns are fully loaded and that is good.</p><p>It's the main weapon for the brothers anyway and I am starting to trust them better than myself. I think about how I almost fucked up again and after Joel throwing it into my face and scolding me off as I was just an unexperienced child, I feel like I'm losing all my confidence. Back in Anderson Mill I felt like I could stand my ground, I was useful, but it is the second time I have almost died since I left that place behind and Boston is still far...<em> I have to find her</em>... I just have to...</p><p>As my hands are searching the drawers of a dusty, wooden and partly rotten cupboard, I think about what Joel said to me. I'm starting to even feel like he was right. I was lucky today and I managed to live but I should avoid close calls from now on. We are sort of a team now after all, really. Instead of trying to show off, I should rely on them and let them rely on me... Being reckless only makes me seem incompetent but I know I am not... or am I? Is that why my sister had to toughen up? Was it really because of me?</p><p>It is so frustrating! I haven't been handled like a kid since I left my sister and I still hate this. Back in Anderson Mill I was really doing okay. Feeling all my confidence fly away is something I can't stop.</p><p>I am so preoccupied with my thoughts that my hands search on their own, like a machine, grabbing everything the back of my mind thinks could be useful. That's how I find a package of batteries, I first don't know what they are for as I haven't seen anything like them in long, long years. As I am rotating the small, shiny objects between my fingers, memories slowly start to drift into my mind. They are for watches, my dad used to have them all around the house.</p><p>I get them in my hands and watch them for a while, then I slide them into the back pockets of my jeans. Joel has a watch after all...</p><p>It is almost dark when we finish with the last building, arriving to a gate again, just on the other side of this factory like place.</p><p>As we step closer and closer, I can hear the sound of water flowing behind the gates, but here the splashes are much louder and stronger. This time it is not calm and soothing but powerful and when we all climb up the gate, into the watchtower, I can see why.</p><p>"It's a dam!" says Tommy, excitement twinkling in his sky blue eyes. "This place is amazing. Well protected from every side, hidden and if someone could fix this up" he points towards the river and the dam" there could even be electricity."</p><p>"Oh my god... Electricity." I say after him, remembering all the gadgets from my youth. "I miss watching movies so much."</p><p>"Yeah, and well brew coffee from good machines." Joel adds, and I look up to him. It's good to hear he is willing to talk with my presence around.</p><p>"I've never liked coffee." I flinch as I remember the bitter tasting liquid my parents and sister used to drink every morning, sometimes even in the afternoons. "I didn't like the taste."</p><p>"That's because you've never drunk a good one." he answers, looking at me with some kind of a smile on his face, eyebrows slightly raised. God, this man is hard to make out... One moment he's ready to murder you, even says it to your face directly (sort of) and the next he throws this smile in. I feel something in my stomach, warm and tingling, also for some reason I feel my cheeks warming up under his gaze and, again, I don't understand this reaction of mine. I'm shooing it away as I tear my eyes away from his; I don't even want to understand it. I don't want to accomplish its existence at all...</p><p>"Imagine what this place could become..." Tommy says. "Without FEDRA, well protected, having things like back in the old days..."</p><p>"Why's FEDRA so bad?" I ask after a few second of complete silence. "Back in Anderson Mill it was good to have them around. They protected the refugees there and kept the order in place. Of course, they ordered us to do chores but it wasn't that bad and I had friends among the military guys."</p><p>"Anderson Mill was a small quarantine zone." Tommy explains. "In bigger cities, everything has to be stricter in order to be able to control that much people. They completely take away the freedom. Simple civilians, no matter how untrained or inexperienced they are, ordered to go outside and perform their duties... So many of them never coming back. But FEDRA does not really care. If you can walk you can work, they say. Even teaching the kids at schools to become soldiers once they are grown up. And in return, they can't provide enough food and nothing with which they could entertain people."</p><p>"Isn't it still better than what the Hunters did to Austin?" I ask. "What you said sounds horrible but at least people can sleep with their eyes closed."</p><p>"None of them is better." Joel answers my question before Tommy and he nods in agreement.</p><p>"As the old dude says. Both is fucked up."</p><p>We stand silently for a while. The buzzing sound of flowing water calms my mind as I watch the bottom of the sky slowly turning into a darker shade of greyish blue, replacing the rosy pink, that was painting the horizon warm in the distance. I am starting to see small puffs of our breaths escape through our noses and lips as the weather is turning colder and colder with each passing second and when a light breeze tickles my neck, a shiver runs through my body.</p><p>Still, I want to stay there. Absorb the soothing calmness of nature, to help myself and reload my drained batteries. Now that the day's over and we are done with everything we had planned, I feel an extreme heaviness lying over my body, even my eyelids feel like they are made out of stone.</p><p>"We should get down." Tommy says in the end and we all silently agree. Since we checked every building we could find in the area and there are gates protecting us from every sides, we just choose one from the arsenal of concrete blocks surrounding us to sleep in, without thinking too much about it. Even the fire we light this time is proper sized - enough to keep a whole room warm. We are not afraid of uninvited guests tonight.</p><p>We sit around the fire for a while, the brothers are lightly chatting with each other but I feel so tired I only hear their voices as soothing, deep hummings that slowly untangle my thoughts and help me fall asleep finally.</p><p>
  <em>I see bullets flying through skulls, knives digging deep inside screaming bodies and nails scratching arks into skin. I flinch as I watch it, my stomach twirls and I am feeling sick. My sister appears in front of me, one of her hands is holding onto a revolver, the other is on the grip of a hunting knife. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her face seems expressionless as she hands the knife over my direction but I am shaking my head. I don't want to take it. I don't want to use it... </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Fine." She says and reaches behind her back. "Then take this." She pulls out a metal baseball bat from behind her back. It is my father's favorite. That is the only reason I reach my arms towards it. The similar item, I've seen every single day in my life, being hung on the walls of our living room calms my nerves. It's good to see something from my previous life...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What previous life?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Now do it." says my sister and she points towards her feet. There laying my father, his arms hugging his own head as he is begging me not to hit him. I shake my head again. I won't do it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Please, don't!" he begs, but he raises his head to look me in the eye and he's not my father anymore. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't let it get away!" I hear my sister shouting at me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What?..." I breath out and when I lower my bat in confusion the man's face suddenly changes again, distorting into a rotting infected as he jumps up from the ground, throwing himself at me with all the strength he got and I don't think I have enough time to raise my bat up...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think it's the end but then I hear a loud bang and the infected collapses in front of me, his face is our father's again and I can feel myself trembling as his blood is dripping on my face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's your fault! It's all you fault!" She continues to throw the words at me and all I can do is shaking my head again, stepping back one step. "You made me do these!"</em>
</p><p>I jump a little as I wake up. For seconds, I just watch the dancing shadows on the ceiling above, blinking fast to get my eyes used to the darkness. I inhale and exhale deeply, trying to calm my trembling body and racing heart a bit. The hair on the back of my head is wet as I was sweating again.</p><p>When I sit up slightly and carefully, trying to spare my bruised shoulder, I can see Tommy's sleeping not far from me and I have to focus pretty hard to see Joel's dark presence close to the entrance of our little shelter for the night. I rub my eyes with my ice cold hands, trying to get all the dream out of my gaze and silently stand up. I don't think I could go back to sleep for tonight. In fact, I feel like I never want to sleep ever again in this life - at all...</p><p>I don't know why, but my stomach's slightly trembling as I am stepping towards him, I can see his eyes reflecting the dancing flames of the fire behind me as he's sitting in the darkness, his back leaned against the wall behind him. His knees are pulled up slightly and he's resting his arms on his knees. When I get to him, I sit beside him, mimicking his position, but I don't say a word.</p><p>I need to get my mind clearer; tonight's dream was especially harsh on me.</p><p>"Nightmares?" he asks. His voice is low and deep but clear.</p><p>"Always." I admit, and rub my eyes again, this time using only my right thumb and index finger. My hands are still shaking. "I was hoping for so many years they'd stop coming but they get worse every night." I don't know why I'm telling all this to him. Why on earth would he care anyway? He just said a few hours ago he'd even leave me to my death if needed...</p><p>He is not answering right away and I take it as a confirmation that he does really not care if I tell him anything personal but then he finally speaks: "You know, that's one of the reasons why I miss coffee."</p><p>I don't say anything, just look up at him, waiting for him to continue and he looks back from the side of his hazel eyes.</p><p>"The only way to avoid them coming if you avoid sleeping as well." I know that his dreams are restless as well as I've already heard him grunt and mumble in his sleep a few occasions. I wonder what had happened to him, what is he reliving every single night, but I don't dare to ask him. I feel like he's already shared too much of personal stuffs about himself (for his likings, of course) and I don't want to push anything.</p><p>After all I want to make things up with him. To be finally able to put our conflicts to the side...</p><p>My eyes drift to the watch on his left wrist, and I remember the batteries I took in the afternoon, still lying in the pockets of my jeans.</p><p>"Hey, I've found..." I start and I reach my hand for my pocket immediately. "I've found these. I think they're for your watch." And I hand over the small pack of round batteries to him.</p><p>He takes them from me but for seconds he remains silent. I can see his mind is occupied for a short period of time, maybe remembering something from his past... But then he speaks: "They are indeed for my watch." He says, looking into my eyes. "Thanks."</p><p>"You know, I haven't seen a working one in ages." I say.</p><p>"Yeah, me neither." And that's all he answers. Silence is heavying over the two of us as we are sitting in the darkness, watching the trembling lights of the fire playing around with the shadows all around us.</p><p>"You know..."he starts, I can feel how hard he is chewing on his thoughts before speaking again."What you did today was pretty impressive."</p><p>"I think you mixed up some words here. I'm sure you wanted to say dumb." I reply half jokingly as I can't believe my ears.</p><p>"No. Really, you did good." He says without even the slightest smile appearing on his lips. "But I still think you were reckless."</p><p>"Yeah, I was..." I sigh. "It is just... you know what we talked about yesterday made me thinking..." the words start flowing out of me. "I hate that I might be the reason of what my sister has become..." before I continue I pull my knees closer to me and hug them with my arms. Just like back when I was a teenager, on the top of my soft and warm bed. I used to sit like this when I was upset. "She was... She was so caring and... she was kind. If I was tougher she may not had to change so much..."</p><p>"The whole world has changed. You have to do shitty things if you want to survive." He answers. "I don't believe you're the only reason of your sister's actions."</p><p>"What about you and Tommy?" I ask. "Haven't you changed just to protect him?"</p><p>He does not answer right away. I can  see he is chewing on his thoughts again before speaking.</p><p>"I changed to protect him and to stay alive. But it is the world that made me do it, not him or the way he is."</p><p>His words hit me with so much sudden calmness, I haven't felt in such a long time.</p><p>"Thank you, Joel." I say after another long minutes of silence, looking up at his face beside mine. I can see the slightest smile appear on his lips as he's looking back at me.</p><p>"Whatever I did, your welcome." He says while standing up. "I think I go and try to rest some. Wake me up if there's anything."</p><p>And I am left alone, but for the first time in a very, very long time, my thoughts don't want to crush my sanity.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Heey, I finally managed to give birth to this chapter 🙃 thank you so much for reading!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7: Stuck</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The snow crackles under my feet as I am walking between the trees of the forest. I inhale the chilling air deeply, trying to keep myself warm with the control of my breathing as all of my clothes are damping wet now. Even if they weren't, the only jacket I own is my suede one and that is definitely not made for winter.</p><p>I walk through the clouds of my own puffing breaths, keeping my hands on my bow and arrow, ready to shoot any animal - or infected - on sight immediately, but so far, I haven't had much luck. All I could kill was one single pheasant-hen, a smaller one of its kind. The snow hasn't stopped falling for two days now, sometimes growing into a teeth-rattling blizzard, other times falling silently just like now. It is almost knee high already, and judging by the cold greyness of the sky above me, it will be higher very soon. And that is bad. We are already halfway through, but now we're stuck here...</p><p>We've left Jackson behind more than two months ago, along with Birmingham and Atlanta. Both places have left deep scarres on my naively hoping soul as in Birmingham we met another group of people exactly like the Hunters were back in Austin, and saw no signs of FEDRA (or just simply life) in Atlanta anymore.</p><p>It was quite depressing to see such a huge city as a complete ghost town, only infected waiting for you on every corner... But to be honest, I don't even know which one was worse - seeing the amount of people who are not just okay with murdering people for a pair of shoes - or nothing - only, but even enjoying it, or seeing how even FEDRA alongside with the government is falling apart throughout the country. I don't know what smaller groups and individuals can even hope for in the future if such a huge power is so easily to be diminished...</p><p>The fact that Anderson Mill is probably one of the very few places where FEDRA can still operate is scaring me pretty much. Since I've left my little bubble of safety and peace back in Anderson Mill, everything I see is slowly making me question if this apocalypse is really the end of the world, or it simply just unleashed the true nature of humanity, that had to be restricted for so long before...</p><p>We are now staying in - yes, I know, funny - in Charlotte. Waiting for this sudden strike of snow and blizzards to pass as we would freeze to our death quite soon if we'd have to travel in wet clothes for god knows how long until we find another shelter to rest in. It was Tommy who led us here, thinking that, since I share the name with this city, we definitely have to go through here.</p><p>I shiver runs through my numb body, as even the seams on my worn-down boots have given themselves in long ago as well and my socks have been dripping wet for hours now. The pain has already faded and I can barely even feel my toes anymore. I can just hope they are not too frost bitten yet and they will heal up from this.</p><p>I decide to head back. The snow crunching loudly under every step of mine is giving away my position, making it almost impossible for me to hunt this way. I should place some traps, but I still don't know how to make one - that is working - properly. It is Tommy's expertise. He'd already tried to teach me, and I sort of know the basics, but none of my traps has ever caught anything yet.</p><p>But I feel like I really can't handle the cold anymore. I have been out for long hours now and I feel like even my mind is frozen for now and that I am just torturing myself unnecessarily as the snow is really making my job impossible.</p><p>We are staying in a small hut, close to Lake Norman. That way we both have water and the weekend huts are also providing shelter for us. It is almost cozy. How sad that even in that place, one of us always has to stay up and keep a guard until the next morning arrives...</p><p>I tried not wander more than a mile away on my hunting trip, still my frozen limbs and rattling teeth makes my way back feel much longer than it really is. I am silently praying to be able to get back as soon as possible and my heart beats up happily when finally, I see the building in the distance.</p><p>The thick layer of snow covering it makes it look like the ginger house from that old, creepy children's tale. In fact, everything is looking like I am walking through a storybook right now. But no matter how beautiful it makes everything; I still hate the snow.</p><p>It unnerves me that my steps are leaving a path to us. We are only lucky because soon the freshly falling layer will cover it, but still, it makes me nervous.</p><p>I am starting to sound as paranoid as Joel... But everything I've seen in the last months is changing me, I feel like. My sister's actions don't even seem that stranger anymore...</p><p>"Hey, you're back." Tommy greets me first when I step inside the hut after kicking the snow off of my all-wet boots. I feel my limbs melting immediately when the warm air inside hits me - except for my toes.</p><p>"Any luck?" Joel asks, and I reach the pheasant up.</p><p>"That's all." I say as he takes if from me. I turn to Tommy and continue. "I think you should set up a few traps sometime. The snow is making my steps too loud for hunting. All I do is scaring every animal away in a mile's radius.</p><p>I take off my jacket first and lay it down, near the little furnace in the corner of the room. I hesitate for a second, but then I decide to take off both my jumpers since they are all wet as well, and lay them next to my jacket, on the floor.</p><p>"I go and set a few up then." Tommy is already dressing up, putting all the layers of clothing he can on himself. I smile at him gratefully as he steps outside and yell after him: "Take care!" And then he shuts the door behind himself. I don't know whether I am just imagining, or he really does it, but recently I've been feeling like Tommy is leaving us alone with Joel on purpose... It is annoying both ways, anyway and I really hope it is just my imagination. We are running out of food, so maybe that's why he left so suddenly.</p><p>It's not that we are still on the edge with Joel. Since Jackson, our relationship has changed drastically. I am starting to figure him out, I know he is serious and that he can't really show much of his emotions, and I don't even take his reactions upon myself anymore. I think he's finally come to terms with me as well. I avoid being reckless as much as I can and what he says usually goes as we are almost halfway now and I don't really want to screw things up just before arriving to Boston. I know he's cunning and hasn't had three peaceful years behind him to rust up, so I trust him better than myself, I think.</p><p>He's sorts of became the leader of our three-person group and both Tommy and I are pretty much okay with it. I can't speak in Tommy's name but I know I don't need such a huge responsibility on my unsteady shoulders. All I want is finding my sister...</p><p>Oh, and I even catch him smile at my jokes sometimes and what is more! He cracks a few of them as well once in a while. It is just I don't like the feeling my body and mind is reacting when we're close to each other, that's all...</p><p>I sit down and pull only my boots off first. I hesitate when I get to my socks as I am afraid to look at my poor little toes. I hate winter so much. But then I sigh and make the effort on myself to pull the fabric off of my feet and my heart sinks when I see my greyish purple body parts. I watch them sadly when I hear Joel's voice coming right next from me. I jump a little when I even feel him laying his own jacket on my slightly shivering body as all I am wearing are a t-shirt and my still wet jeans.</p><p>"Told you to wear both pairs of socks." he says, crouching next to my feet, observing my toes.</p><p>"I know, dad... But what would I be putting on my feet now, hmm?" I smile at him from the corner of my eyes, playfully. He always acts like a guardian of us with Tommy and I find that sort of amusing. Deep down I even like it a bit, I think, but I don't like to chew on that thought too much. I don't like how my stomach clenches up, a tingling sensation vibrating inside me when the callused hands of his, touch my ice-cold feet either...</p><p>"Psh, dad..." he furrows his brows, but I can see the smallest smile hiding in the corner of eyes hazel eyes. "Is that all you got?" he asks, his voice is not amused, while he massages the blood circulation back to my feet with his warm hands. Under his touch I can feel my whole body getting uncomfortably hot and I don't know why but my mind is getting number.</p><p>"Sorry, my brain is a bit preoccupied with the possibilities of losing my toes to think about proper jokes..." I answer chuckling slightly.</p><p>"Don't worry, you can keep most of them." Joel says, his facial expression is dead serious and I let out a small laugh again but since he's showing absolutely no signs of his sentence being a joke, I will admit, I get a little scared.</p><p>"Wait, what do you mean most of them?" I ask, my voice is higher than I would like it to be.</p><p>He looks at me and I look back. When his eyes meet mine I - or both of us? - dwell a little too long on the moment. I can see a shadow of a strange expression appear on his face I don't know how to explain, but it makes my insides burn up again... <em>Fuck.</em> Then he clears his throat and lets out the smallest chuckle. I playfully push him away, letting out the biggest sigh of relief.</p><p>"Not funny..." I mumble, furrowing my brows, trying to hide my smile.</p><p>"Just a tiny bit." Joel answers and stops massaging my feet for once. "You're gonna be fine." He says as he's standing up and really, when I look at my toes, they are now deep red. They are aching a lot, like little needles being pushed into my skin constantly, but at least I can still feel them.</p><p>"Thank you." I smile at the back of his head as he's standing by the window now, his eyes pasting the distance behind the falling flakes of the snow and I gaze into the fire. I pull on my dry pair of socks, drowning in the sudden rush of thoughts...</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>When Tommy gets back, it is almost dark outside. The chilling greyness of the sky has changed into a mixture of purple and orange and the snow still hasn't stopped... I hope from the bottom of my heart that it will stop soon and we don't have to stay here for too long.</p><p>I don't know why but everything of our situation is making me nervous. The thought that every time one of us leaves the hut is leaving a trail right to us - is in the back of my mind all day. Our food is running out - stacks upon it, and also the fire we constantly have to keep alive is like an arrow in the daytime, the smoke happily leaving through the small metal chimney, and at nights serves like a beacon to literally anyone, no matter the intention - is the cherry on top.</p><p>There's also the time when I'll finally meet with her, getting closer every day. I am so nervous. Now that it is really becoming a reality, I even feel afraid. What if I've left everything, I've grown to love back in Anderson Mill in the past three years, and she won't want to just even look at me? I would understand that, I think. And I'd told everything to her I wanted to... so I guess it will be still worth it...</p><p>I sometimes also think about the possibilities of me not making it to Boston... I feel the need to write down everything I would like to say onto a piece of paper, just in case... But I usually just hush these thoughts away when they rush my mind. I trust the brother and the three of us make an excellent team...</p><p>Plus, I can never forget about this stupid little feeling in the back of my stomach every time I see Joel's eyes on me, no matter the reason. Or when our fingers touch the slightest when I hand something over to him. I honestly hate it... And I don't want it. Wish I could drown this feeling. Abandon it...</p><p>We eat the whole pheasant, Joel had roasted when we were waiting for Tommy, in one go. We're all trusting his traps and if they won't catch anything by tomorrow, we'll still have some canned food we spared, just in case. When we're done, I know it's late already but I feel restless. I hate being stuck here for God knows how many days yet.</p><p>The first watch shift is Tommy's. Joel heads to sleep but I hesitate to follow him in the next room, where there's the couch on which I usually sleep - I told the brother's I am perfectly fine on the floor as well but they both always insist I get settee... They always sleep on a few rugs, gathered on each other on the floor. Our weapons within an arm's reach every time.</p><p>I fiddle with my things a bit, checking my spare clothes in my backpack, seeing if my coat has dried yet, but in the end, I say goodnight to Tommy and go to sleep as well. When I step into the other room, Joel seems to be already asleep so I am as quiet as possible when I lie down on the couch, and I don't have to wait much until I soon drift into a light snooze.</p><p>This time I don't have the time to sleep until a dream arrives. I don't know how long I've slept but the aching limbs of mine suggest that the proper answer is not much. What woke me up is Joel's mumblings and distorted words coming from somewhere not far from me. He's having a nightmare; I can tell when I see his expression in the purplish light coming through the windows. His eyebrows are furrowed and drops of sweat are covering his forehead. I would like to wake him up, to comfort him a little. I know very well the nature of nightmares. But in the end, I decide not to.</p><p>His mumbles then soon change into grunts and huffs and he says a word - a name to be exact, I haven't heard before.</p><p>"<em>Sarah</em>..."</p><p>A sudden, very stranger feeling clenches into my chest as I hear the name, but I immediately hush into the back of my mind. I have no right to feel... to feel <em>jealous</em>? Is that what had just rushed through me? Jealousy? Who's this Sarah? Or who... was? I have never heard him talking about any Sarah before... Is she a lover of his? Anyways... It is not my business at all, I think as I sit up suddenly.</p><p>I put my feet on the ground silently and a chill runs through my spine immediately, crawling onto me through my feet. I can feel through my socks that the desks under us are almost ice cold and I feel a sudden rush of guilt as the boys always have to sleep on it, while I get the couch only for myself. All this chivalry in the middle of the apocalypse...</p><p>I want to leave the room, but his anxious grunts stop me... I know and hate nightmares from the very bottom of my heart. I can't just leave him be with them. I silently crouch down next to him, and reach my arm to stroke a few wet strands out of his forehead, then softly and just barely touching, I place my palm on his face. Soon, I can see his expression unwrinkle and his grunts grow silent as my thumb is lightly stroking his scar-covered cheekbones. I watch his face a little more than I should, but then I tear my eyes away from him and stand up.</p><p>
  <em>Who is Sarah...?</em>
</p><p>When I leave the room, I see Tommy sitting in the window. The door of the furnace is closed so it is quite dark in the small room. I have to watch my steps as I am making my way towards the clothes, I left on the ground to dry up, and put on one of my jumpers. Despite the small fire, it is quite cold in the hut tonight.</p><p>"It seems like it won't stop tomorrow either." I sigh as I sit beside the younger brother, in the windowsill.</p><p>"Yeah." Tommy reassures. "Guess we are staying here a few more days." His voice is low and horse as usual, always making me feel calmer. There's always something in his whole presence, diffusing such a soothing aura, that I always like to be around him.</p><p>"And that exactly what is concerning me..." I say looking out the window, but since there's a little more light inside the hut, all I can see is mostly the reflection of my own pale face. I am looking thinner than ever, all the walking and running and fighting had eaten up most of my body's reservations. I also have the scar on my forehead, still being slightly purple and a new cut under my left eye, on my cheek, that is still in the early stages of healing process. I got it two weeks ago in Birmingham, when we met that Hunter-like group's patrols...</p><p>"It is quite a miserable feeling being locked up in here, not really knowing if anything watches you from the outside..." Tommy says what is on my mind constantly. I am glad I am not the only one being paranoid.</p><p>"I hate it..." I agree in a low voice.</p><p>We sit in silence for a while, watching the snowflakes fall in front of the window. I have to restrain myself from asking but I can't hold it back, and after a few minutes it just bursts out of me.</p><p>"Tommy, can I ask you a question?" our eyes meet. I don't know why I feel nervous.</p><p>"Of course. What is it?" he positions his body so that he can face me better and I pull up my knees to my chest.</p><p>"Do you know who is... who is Sarah?" I ask finally. I can see a shadow running through his face. Even his sky-blue eyes change into a deeper shade. He is thinking for long seconds, but then he sighs and says: "Yeah... But I don't think I am the one who should tell you about her." he looks away from my face, sadness evincing on his expressions as he looks back out the window again.</p><p>"He's the one who's gonna decide whether he wants to talk about her or not..."</p><p>I nod and I won't deny, I feel a little disappointed. But I completely understand and Tommy's right. It is a personal thing and it would be only fair if I asked Joel himself, so I don't force the topic anymore.</p><p>I look at the trembling orange lights that are dancing on the wooden floor, in front of the furnace. I don't even know myself what feelings are stirring inside me but I feel restless again and I hate to be stuck, just sitting in here, when for some reason I feel like we are running out of time. <em>I am running out of time...</em></p><p>We sit and talk for a while, both of us peeking out the windows time to time and after a few hours, Tommy goes to sleep this time, leaving me alone on my watch. If it weren't for the brothers being left alone in their sleeps, I would have already left the hut. I feel like I need a walk. That I have to do something. Just sitting here, waiting, my mind being free to think is killing me... </p><p>I let out a relieved sigh, when the door behind which the brothers are sleeping finally creaks up, not much before dawn. Joel steps out from behind, massaging his neck, his eyes still seeming foggy, and his short black hair is slightly messy. I smile at him when he greets me with a hoarse 'hey'. </p><p>"Hey." I greet him back. He seems well rested, probably because his nightmares didn't have the chance to weak him too early this time. I don't think I have ever seen him this peaceful, since we met. I mean, it is horrible to be stuck here, but at least it has its perks. The brothers, and maybe even myself sometimes, are calmer a bit. All this isolation from both the living and the dead is almost like a therapy. I just wish I wasn't constantly on the edge, and feeling like a target here...</p><p>Joel walks right next to me, leaning against the window frame, and looks out. His so close, I can feel the warmth coming from his body and my heart is racing again. <em>Stop it already, please...</em></p><p>"The second watch was on me." he says. "You should've slept. You were out, hunting all day yesterday." </p><p>"I wasn't tired." I say and this time, I'm not even lying. I mean, my body <em>is</em> tired, but my mind is not at all. I don't think I could've slept for long, even if I really tried to. I look at him, his hazel eyes meet mine and the fucking butterflies come alive in my stomach again. I think about that name, Sarah again, and I gather the courage to ask who she is but he is faster than me.</p><p>"Something on your mind, Charlotte?" He ask. He always calls me by my full name.</p><p>"Yes." I answer after swallowing back my heart that is beating inside my throat. "I'm thinking about checking Tommy's traps..." I say and stand up. I retreat at the last moment. It is his personal stuff and I have nothing to do with it.</p><p>"I don't think you should, your feet..." he starts insisting but I cut in between his words.</p><p>"No. Really. I would like to." I stand up, already pulling on my boots. I pull on my second sweater on the first one as well and I already walk to the front door, while putting on my jacket. I grab my bow and quiver and I'm out.</p><p>The snow is still falling, way heavier than yesterday, even the wind is blowing slightly. The sky is dark, cold grey above me, not much signs of the sun yet. It must be really early. Probably just before dawn. But I am happy as I am finally on the move again.</p><p>This way I can occupy my mind. Though I have no idea where to look for Tommy's traps, my steps are determined as I am making my way through the now really knee-high snow. I can feel my socks are already wet again, and I can hear Joel's told you so ringing in my ears in advance, but I don't care.</p><p>I hate myself for all these feelings that are waking up inside me. Feelings always make everything more difficult as if <em>everything weren't already difficult enough</em>. I am just going to ignore it, I decide as I am walking farer and farer away from our little shelter, the wind whistling heavier with each passing minute.</p><p>I stumble across Tommy's first trap after an hour and a half and - it is empty. I am not surprised. It feels like a blizzard is heading towards us again, no animal would be roaming around in a weather like this. I am not even looking for other traps anymore, I am just walking.</p><p>It is way past dawn, even morning already when I finally feel myself cooled down enough. Both rhetorically and literally meaning. I can't feel my feet again, this time my ears have joined the arsenal of frozen limbs and all my clothes are damping just like yesterday. But I do really feel better. I am about to turn back, towards the direction of our little hut, when I first hear the voices.</p><p>Not animals, not infected - but people are coming towards me in a rush. I can hear the snow crackling under their feet and I throw myself behind the cover of a thicker tree. I place an arrow on the string and peek out from behind the tree, but the heavily falling snow is making it difficult to see farer than a few feet.</p><p>I can only tell that they are not more than three - one younger girl and two men. Maybe the girl is being chased? Her voice, that is drifting towards me, sounds like she's crying. When they get closer to me I get my confirmation about what I already suspected as one of the men fires his revolver - the bullet barely avoiding the girls head with only a few inches.</p><p>She screams up, covering her head with her arms but this way she falls in the high snow after a few steps. Her attackers reach her in no time and she raises her hand up as she begs: "No, please! Please stop!" She screams.</p><p>"The bitch dares to beg..." I hear one of the men spit the words to the other and I decide. I pull the string tightly, aiming at the throat and let go of my arrow. By the time the lifeless body hits the snow, I am already pulling the string a second time and they both die, without having the slightest idea of who killed them. Their crimson blood melting the snow around their corpses...</p><p>I feel sick. I am not even counting anymore how many lives I've taken since Austin... I sigh and step to the surprised girl, still lying on the ground. I can see she's barely just a teenager as she is looking up at me, watching me pull my arrows out of the two dead men's throats.</p><p>"You killed them..." she huffs.</p><p>"I did." I reply as I look into her face. I can't decide whether she's grateful or confused but then she speaks again.</p><p>"<em>You saved my life</em>..."</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading this far!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8: Stuck - Part II.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm soo sorry for taking so long! t-t I'm the worst</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Do you have a group?" I ask the girl, still lying in the snow. She shakes her head as an answer but I just can't believe someone this young, small and weak and visibly inexperienced is completely on her own.</p><p>"You are travelling alone..." I say skeptically, and tighten the string on my bow a bit as my suspicions are rising. My hands are stiff and hurt, they are so frozen already, and pulling the thin material is cutting into my vulnerable flesh. I can see she notices the movement and after a few seconds of hesitation she finally speaks.</p><p>"I live in a community about 4 miles from here." She says, looking into my eyes. There's something in her glance that is ringing a bell in the back of my mind which for now I just can't place anywhere. "But I came out alone." She adds desperately, as she sees that I am not loosening the string on my bow at all.</p><p>"Why?" I ask, still aiming at her throat.</p><p>"I - I went out to... try to get some food." she says and she sniffs before continuing. "But these men... They attacked me. I tried to- to lost them but in this snow it was impossible. I just ran where I could and then... and then you saved me." she finishes. Puffing clouds of her breath leaves her mouth as she's speaking, but the wind quickly carries them away forever.</p><p>I am now sure that another blizzard reaches us soon. I lower my bow as I say: "You should head back. Weather is turning worse." and I turn my away from her, planning to get back to the hut myself as well.</p><p>"I can't in this weather!" she whines. I can hear her voice is trembling and she might cry soon. "Can I - can I come with you?" she asks and I stop immediately.</p><p>"No." I say as I turn back to her again, but then I see her, lying in the snow, her nose and cheeks are both deep red, her blonde hair is wet and she's slightly trembling and I can feel my resistance weakening. She's just a little girl after all - being out on her own in the blizzard despite her age. I wish I knew what this bell constantly ringing inside my head means...</p><p>"Please..." she begs. "Only until the storm leaves..."</p><p>The brothers - especially Joel's gonna kill me... I can only hope I won't regret my decision soon as I nod and say: "Fine... But I need to see if you have any weapons..." I step to her as she stands up finally and I am reaching my hand to search her but she interrupts me.</p><p>"No need." she reaches a hunting knife towards me immediately. I take it, put into the back of my pants and nod her to follow me. Even this reaction of her is so strange... Or I am really just becoming exactly as paranoid as Joel.</p><p>"Did you know these men?" I ask. I need to rise my voice as the wind is whistling louder with each passing second. The little flakes of snow feel like needles against my skin and even though I pulled both hoods of my sweaters upon my head, my ears hurt like hell. Especially my right one. I can also feel tears gathering in my eyes and I can just hope we'll be back home in less than an hour.</p><p>"No!" I can barely hear the words as the voice of the girl is drifting far away in the wind.</p><p>"Then why did they want to kill you so badly?" I ask. It was really strange that two men only just wanted to shoot a girl and<em> nothing more</em>...</p><p>"Is this really a question?" she asks. "In a world like this?"</p><p>I leave her be for a few minutes as my mind is racing. Though I hate the snow, I am thankful for this blizzard as it is making us hardly trackable. Every footsteps of ours are gone in a few minutes. That is good, if the girl is lieing, her fellows can't follow us soon. But if she isn't, and she really is just an unfortunate soul who needed to be saved than we are only giving her shelter until the storm is gone and then say our goodbyes. And since we are always having a watch, even at nights, it will be no problem to keep an eye out on her all the time.</p><p>"What is your name?" I ask after a while, slowing down a little so that she can hear my words. She's not answering right away. <em>Is she hesitating?</em></p><p>"Mikayla." I can hear her voice in the end.</p><p>When I finally see the hut in the distance, the snow is falling so heavily in the storming wind that I can hardly see it darkening in the distance, between the bending frames of the forest's trees.</p><p>"Come, we're almost there!" I yell the words to the girl who's weak figure is being tossed in the wind. She only nods as she's so cold, her rattling teeth stop her from forming proper words. I can't feel my right ear anymore and that is quite concerning. The skin is thin there and there's not so much flesh and veins to keep that body part warm...</p><p>I am nervous as we are closing to the small wooden building. Tommy and Joel will be rightfully pissed and I know I am stupid. Again. But still - I don't want to say goodbye to the last pieces of humanity left inside me. Wouldn't that be simply cruel to just leave a kid on her own to freeze to her death? Or to be murdered? I feel like I am just trying to convince myself I did the right thing here though...</p><p>"Charlie... Who's that?" Tommy asks as he's jumping onto his feet when I open the door and step inside with my newfound company. He's gripping his pistole and Joel's also on his feet as well, the revolver's end pointing towards us. I can see the darkness inside the barrel so clearly, it feels like he's aiming at me and not Mikayla. I guess, he'd still left me behind to save themselves if needed... But can I really blame him?</p><p>"Easy guys..." I raise both my hands up. "I.. uh... I found her outside. She's got no weapon." I say and pull her knife out of the back of my pants, reaching towards Joel. "She's just a girl. Only staying with us until the blizzard leaves."</p><p>"She saved my life!" Mikayla adds stepping closer to me - or hiding behind my back to save herself, I really can't tell... But I can clearly see the questions in both of the brother's eyes and raised eyebrows after that sentence. That was the detail I would have liked to leave out until things smooth up a little...</p><p>"She was being chased by two men." I explain as I am slowly stepping to the entrance, closing the door behind us. "They'd have murdered her."</p><p>"Maybe they'd got a reason to do so..." Joel grunts in a low voice. My eyes jump onto his hazel ones. When our gazes meet I can see that he's really pissed off - but do his eyes soften a little on me or am I just imagining?</p><p>"She said she didn't know them..." I answer, my voice sounding a bit more unsure than I would have liked it to. "She leaves the second the blizzard outside is weakening." I say and I adress my words to both the brothers and Mikayla as well. I even look at her behind my back so that it is clear for her too.</p><p>She nods back weakly and the brothers also share a gaze. Joel's the first one to lower the gun, but only because he's the kind of leader of us. I have a feeling Tommy would have lovered his sooner if it was on him. I feel a little relieved now that there's no weapon pointing at me and even Mikayla steps out from behind the cover of my not so sturdy back.</p><p>I let out a huge sigh, as I take off my hoods and I just realize how much my body is shaking. Both from being exhausted and cold at the same time. I can't feel any of my fingers on my numb body properly, neither the point of my nose - and of course my ears. Especially that right one. I take off my jacket and place it by the furnace again and before I'd sit down, I pull out my hunting knife from my boots.</p><p>"I only found one of your traps, Tommy." I say. "But it was empty."</p><p>"No wonder in this damn weather." He answers quietly. I have a feeling his blue eyes are still half on Mikayla who is now awkwardly sitting by the wall, still in her all wet clothes. Before I'd do anything else, I check my ears in the reflection of my knife. The left is red as hell, some points even grey, but it seems fine. My right one though - now that is not looking so well. My heart sunkens sadly when I see the tip of my ear is completely black... Meaning that part cannot be saved...</p><p>Damn it. This is something I wasn't missing from my life at all. Not to talk about the fact I can only thank myself for this. Joel warned me... And all this because I cannot control my feelings properly. Why has it been soo hard lately? I got used to the peaceful lifestyle in Anderson Mill too much, I guess, and so many things have happened lately.</p><p>"Fuck..." I sigh and swallow back my stomach into its original place. I feel a little dizzy but only because I think about how damn much it will hurt when one of the brothers cut a piece off of my body... Becasue it has to be cut, that's for sure, before an infection will happen and I'd need medicine.</p><p>"What?" Tommy asks as he hears me curse.</p><p>"My ear..." I say quietly and pull my hair away when the younger brother steps closer to check upon it.</p><p>"Fuck, Charlie..." he says as he looks at my unsaveable body part. "You are only lucky because it is not your whole ear." He adds, but since the hardest part is still ahead of me, I don't exactly feel relieved. My stomach clenches nervously when I see Joel's dark figure coming towards me from the corner of my eyes.</p><p>"I told you not to go out today." Is all he says. God how much I hate 'I told you so's...</p><p>"I know." I say without looking at him. All I do is reach my knife towards the brothers and ask: "So, who's going to do it?" I can see them gaze at each other again and then Tommy steps back. He raises his arms as he says: "It's your expertise."</p><p>Joel takes the knife without a word. I can see his eyes jump on Mikayla for a second, checking upon her - but she's been sitting silently in the corner ever since we arrived. She's still in her wet clothes as well as she's silently observing us with all her attention. Her figure seems even smaller than outside as she's hugging her knees, trying to make herself as little as possible. Her eyes give me the chills... I feel like I am an animal in a zoo under her gaze - or labrat in an experiment? I can't decide.</p><p>Before Joel starts with my ear, he opens the furnace and puts the blade of my knife into the fire, waiting long seconds before taking it out again. Of course the small fire is not hot enough to heat it white, only to disinfect the metal to not couse me a nasty infection on top of it all. I gather my courage to look into his eyes, but he's not looking back at me. He's extremely pissed and I understand him.</p><p>Bringing Mikayla back with me was a risk. Period.</p><p>I pull all of my wet hair to the left side of my neck, and Joel reaches under my chin to bend my head in a convenient position for him to work. When I feel the hot blade touch my skin I immediately pull my head away as a reflex, but then I take a deep breath, bite the inside of my lips and close my eyes, trying to think of something distracting. I can feel Joel's warm breath tickle my neck and that is working like a wonder, attracting my thoughts towards the sensation like a magnet.</p><p>Sadly it only lasts until I feel the stinging pain in my ear, so fucking sharp I would like to scream and kick something, anything, anyone... But it only lasts for a few seconds, and in the end I manage to control myself, all that is leaving my body are my painful whimpers through my pressed together lips. These few seconds are enough to make me sweaty though, and I very well know that the end is nowhere near. The wound on my now deficient ear still needs to be sewn closed...</p><p>I feel a little dizzy, and the warm throbbing of the pain is slowly extending onto the whole right side of my head. Gosh, I'm such a retard... What was I even thinking? All because I felt jealous... I am even ashamed to just think about it.</p><p>After the small needle Joel's going to use has also spent a few seconds inside the hot hugs of the orange and yellow flames, other painfully long minutes of torture come. I can feel the little drops of sweat appearing on my forehead and neck, but I am trying to hold myself and in the end, the man beside me finally finishes.</p><p>I collapse onto my knees in front of me tiredly and let myself gather my strenght for a few seconds before looking up.</p><p>"Thanks." I say as I carefully touch the stitchings on the remainings of my ear. He doesn't answer but I don't have the energy to even take it upon myself. Besides he's got every right to be pissed. I look over Tommy, who's standing besides the window. Outside it is almost dark again, everthing has turned into a cold metallyc grey in the storming wind and I am glad I am under a roof now. I look over Mikayla in the corner, still sitting in the same position. I think she hasn't moved the slightest since we've been inside.</p><p>I stand up weakly as I say: "You should take off your wet clothes." My voice is dry and hoarse so I try to clear it, but don't really succeed so I step for my bag and fish my bottle of water out. I drink like it is the end of the world - I'm so funny sometimes, I know - and when I'm done I step closer to the girl and reach my bottle towards her.</p><p>"Drink." I say and she accepts the water. Though she is not drinking much at all. It seems like she's drinking only out of obligation, strictly trying to behave to please us. Is it really strange or I am just way too tired and on the edge? Wish the right side of my head wouldn't be throbbing in pain... I could think clearer.</p><p>"Charlie..." I hear Tommy's voice coming from behind me. He's standing in the door of the next room where we sleep. Joel's standing by the window now, looking out, but I can see he's resting his right on the grip of his revolver. "Can you come for a sec?" Tommy asks in the end and I nod as I stand up.</p><p>When we step inside the next room he closes the door behind us and turns to face me right away.</p><p>"There's something really fishy about this girl." he starts and I wish I could insist, but I agree with him from the bottom of my heart.</p><p>"I know..." I say as I rub my eyes. "But what if she's just a girl? I couldn't leave her out to die on her own in a blizzard..." I start to explain but in the end I drop my shoulders as I look up into Tommy's sky blue eyes. He's not angry but worried instead. "I'm so sorry I was stupid again..." I sigh.</p><p>"Get some rest." he says, placing his hand on my back and gently leading me towards the couch.</p><p>"No, I want to keep a watch on her." I insist, but Tommy cuts me off.</p><p>"Joel and I can handle a little girl, don't worry." he pushes me down on the settee and I can feel my resistance fade the moment my body touches the soft cushions under me. "You are no use anyway if you are exhausted and we just had to cut a peace off your ear."</p><p>"Fine but... don't let me sleep for long, okay?" I look at him. I can tell his tenser than usual, still the ever present calmness of his aura is soothing me, when his eyes meet mine.</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>xxx</p><p>
  <em>I step between the sea of dead bodies silently. I stop by each and every one of them - I need to pull my arrows out of their remainings.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I killed all of these people. Me, alone. I need to swallow back my tears and force myself to go on. I always have to go on, though I can't remember the reason why I am on the go at all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Look what you did." I hear a voice coming from behind me and I immediately spin around my heels. My heart jumps happily when I see it is my sister. It is good to see her again. But why? Have parted in the first place?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I didn't..." I start insisting automatically but then I look at the bloody arrow in my clenching fist. "I wasn't... I had to!" I try to defend myself but when I look into my sister's eyes all I see is </em>
  <em>pity.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You should have stayed put." She says, looking down at me. "You will never reach me..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't say this!" I scream and step closer to her but she dissolves and I am left alone with the endless amount of dead bodies again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where...?" I would like to ask where is she, but I hear voices of a muffled conversation coming from somewhere. I start to walk between the corpses around me, all of them facing the pale, grey ground under us. I am looking for the source of the voices, but it is hard to find who's talking without seeing their faces.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am now running, stumbling on a hand or a leg from time to time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The girl is with them." I can hear the words coming right near me and I stop immediately to listen.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Do we kill the others too?" I step next to the black haired corpse a few feet away from me and turn his body to face the sky. His face is emotionless, it is only the lips that are moving. His greyed out, glass eyes are staring into the nothing...</em>
</p><p><em>"No, we only need the girl." Now</em> <em>the voice is coming from a different body. I stumble towards it and also turn his face towards the sky. It's </em><em>me</em>...</p><p>
  <em>My grey eyes are staring into the distance as my emotionless, blue lips are forming the words. I just stare at myself in shock when the lifeless eyes suddenly jump on me and I am staring in the empty void behind them...</em>
</p><p>"No!" I scream and sit up on the settee, my wet hair stuck all over my face as I am panting, looking around myself in the dark little room. Though the wind is still whistleing outside, I can hear the same voices I heard in my dreams are still present, coming from the window next to me and I jump up immediately.</p><p>By the time I am on my feet to try to catch what they are talking about they fall silent and I can hear nothing but the angry sounds of the roaring storm outside. They must be planning to surprise us...</p><p>I get my hunting knife into my hand as I am  opening up the door but I am late and my actions only make things worse as the brothers' attention jump on me first and not on the front door that is also opening up behind them.</p><p>By the time they'd grab their weapons, two men are already inside the hut, both of them holding their rifles high up, aiming at Tommy and Joel. Mikayla silently jumps by me and since I am older, I instinctively step in front of her - having only my knife to defend us...</p><p> </p>
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